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Hometown:
Lafayette, CAAt a Glance:
my name is molly. i'm a 21 year-old caucasian female. my sister likes to remind me how awkward... and sassy... i am. i tend to fall a lot. and i guess thats it! and....scene.Bio:
molly was born in 1987 to melanie and bill and has 2 older siblings: andrea (25) and dan (27). during her childhood, molly was very active on swimteam and spent her days outside swimming and playing tennis. she now resides in siena, italy, where she is studying to become fluent in italian. in her free time, molly's hobbies include cooking, exploring, cappuccinos and gelato, being awkward and having to walk away from the discomfort, anything involving the ocean, the occasional nap, skydiving, panicking, and trips to costco. she also enjoys the company of her pug, gizmo, but only when he's being cute and not pissing her off. her heroes include her siblings, aileen (her other half), corky st clair (of waiting for guffman, the greatest movie ever), and jack handey (because how does he come up with that stuff?!).Colin: Tell them pigeons to come over here and shake them asses, yeahhhhhh! Get those pigeons over here so I can tell them the pigeon story!
Annaluccia: What story would you tell the pigeons?
Colin: The CHEESE story!!
-On drunken teasers
Colin: I found this sick rock in Cinque Terre, check it out! It's so smooth. Smooth and round. And hard.
Carla: Wow.... it's very... heavy. Are you just planning on carrying it on the bus?
Colin: I'll put it in my pocket!
Molly: Colin's never had anything this hard ... or big .... in his pants before, so this should be exciting for him.
-Mother Nature sets the bar
Molly: Colin, I like you better when you're drunk.
Colin: Oh yeah? Well I like you better when you're 100 miles away fucking some Italian guy, shakin' that ass!
-Getting it all out
Colin: You know what, Annaluccia? You should just go! You should just go and eat some pasta! Eat your pasta and go to sleep!
Annaluccia: Colin, what if you were naked and eating pasta with Kiki?
Colin: I would just culminate the experiences and explode!!!
-On truly stimulating times
Kyle: Yo, why would you go after Italian guys? They all smell so bad! They smell horrible!
Analuccia: Where have you been sniffing Italian guys?
Kyle: Not telling you!
-Check yourself before you wreck yourself
Kyle: Come sei dice "giraffe" in Italiano?
Francesca: ...Giraffe?
Kyle (pointing to picture): Si.
Colin: That's a zebra. Learn your animals in English, first.
-On foreign animals
Collin: Molly, what are you doing tonight? (wink)
Molly: I'm not answering that.
Collin: How about you and me, my bed, tonight, naked?
Molly: I'm not that brave.
Collin: Good response, good response!
-On polite declines
Molly: They do have games here! I knew it! We just have to find them.
Collin: Molly, do they really have games or are you just saying they do so we'll look like idiots and go look for them?
Molly: No, they actually do! ...And if I wanted to make you look like an idiot it wouldn't take much, believe me.
-On stupid questions
"Molly, Nessie's birthday is on Tuesday. What are you getting her so I don't get her the same thing?"
-Aileen, on her dog's birthday
Efren: I went to my parents' high school reunion! I went with my dad and left with my mom. Yeah...I shot out of my dad's penis.
Molly: ...I'm really uncomfortable right now.
-On things you don't want to hear from your coworkers
Molly's Mom: Your grandmother is really going to miss you when you move to Italy.
Molly: Yeah, I'm going to miss her, too.
Molly's Mom: She's always afraid that whenever you kids leave, she'll die before she gets to see you again.
Danny: Yeah... that's one of the reasons I moved home from Japan, so I can spend as much time with her as possible.
(Uncomfortable silence in car) ...Molly, how guilty do you feel right now?
Molly: I'm laughing right now only because it's the alternative to crying. Thanks, Mom.
-On fringe benefits
Professor Quittman: Do any of you think that works?
Kevin: I think it does.
Professor Quittman: You can tell me how in a minute, but it doesn't.
-On pre-emptive embarrassment
Professor Quittman: James Harris, you're headed to hell.
James: Why's that?
Professor Quittman: Just something I like to say periodically.
-On pertinent sporadic advice
Molly's Dad: What's this? I thought you were watching House.
Molly: I am.
Molly's Dad: But this is a DVD.
Molly: I know. It's House.
Molly's Dad: But... that's a TV show....
Molly: You know, these days you can rent TV shows on DVD...
Molly's Dad: Oh my God... what will they come up with next?!
-Moving generations forward one step at a time
Janet: Efren, I wouldn't wear my bathing suit around you if you paid me $2 million.
Efren: I would pay you $2 million NOT to wear a bathing suit around me.
-You just saved: $2 million
Customer: It's hot out there!
Molly: Is it?
Customer: Yeah. Well, you obviously don't get much sun, do you? Is that on purpose?
Molly: ...Umm, no, not really. I'm just in here all the time, working.
Customer: Yeah... you're very white. I used to be pale, but not like you. I'm just going to browse for a bit.
Molly: Okay... if you have any questions, let me know.
-Strictly business?
Leeny: Adrianna, what's your screen name?
Adrianna: Why?
Leeny: What do you mean, why? So I can talk to you online!
Adrianna (completely serious): ....Oh. Here, I'll give you the one I don't use very often.
Leeny: What the hell kind of answer is that?!
-Rejected before the first keystroke
Danny: So I've decided to name all my kids after various types of cheese.
Molly: What?! Like what?
Danny: Yeah. I'm gonna name them like... Brie, Jack, Colby, Fontina...
Molly: What will you tell them if they ask about their names?
Danny: I'm not gonna say anything! Here's my plan: I'm just gonna wait until they figure it out themselves. One day they'll be like, "Oh my God... we all have names of various cheeses!" And it'll be AWESOME.
Molly: You don't have a lot going for you, do you?
Andrea: Danny, what's the weirdest thing you ate while in Japan?
Danny: Hmmm, the craziest thing? That's a tough one! Probably raw horse.
Andrea: Sick!
(10 minutes later)
Danny: Oh! I ate whale, Andrea! It tasted like endangered species.
-After Danny came home from living in Japan for 2 years
(Answering the phone) "Hello? Who is this? Oh Stephy! I thought you said 'Scruffy' which is my dog’s name, and I thought 'How can she be calling me when she's sitting right here?'"
-Stephy's Grandma, voicing the least logical reason why the dog couldn't be calling her
Vicki: ...So I walked into the ladies room, right? And--
Geoffrey: The important thing is is that you got the right bathroom.
Vicki: Well, I walked into the men's room, first, but I didn't think that was pertinent.
-Starting off a story on the wrong foot
Molly: I just saw the Dean Cain meter-man on my way over to the Taqueria!
Bobbie: Jump him! OFFER HIM A TACO!!!
Molly: Hahahaha! Which one?
-On tough calls
Colton: So just keep calling me until you're sure that I'm awake.
Molly: Will do.
Colton: What should our password be, "Star Jones"?
Molly: Why do we need a password if I'm calling you?
Colton: Oh yeah, I guess you're right.
-Trying to make plans for the following morning
Andrea (on the phone): Hey, where the hell are you? Molly and I are waiting.
Matt: I'll be there in three shakes of a Persian kitten's whiskers.
Andrea: ...I don't...okay, whatever. Hurry up. See you...soon.
-On lamb's tail alternates
Vicky: This one time I was at James' house for like the 5th time and I found a fuckin' bathroom. And every time I stay there, I'm there for like a week or two! One day I opened a door and it was another bathroom! I was just like "WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS IS THE 8TH BATHROOM!"
Molly: Hahaha! Can you imagine being high and making that discovery?!
Vicky: I WAS!!!
Molly: Hahaha! I'm not surprised.
-On extended privacy
Gretta: You have been really red this week. It's weird.
Molly: I know! It's so crazy! I just randomly get really hot and I have no idea why!
Patricia: Hot flashes. Maybe you're going through early menopause!
Gretta: Yeah...is it contageous?
-Discussing medical issues with older coworkers
"Ahhhhhh!! ...That just scared the HELL out of me! I thought I saw a UFO but it was a seagull. That happens to me a lot."
-Leeny, on familiar scares
Molly: Oh man. It's so boring downstairs right now. There's nothing to do. We have no one in the store! And I've already dusted and shit.
Efren: I'm sure there's something to do. You're just being Molly.
Molly: What the hell?!! ...Wow. The fact that I'm offended that you said I was being myself probably isn't a good thing....
"What would we do if there was a wild man in the park? We would send the police to capture him and confine him, not send a holy prostitute!"
-Professor Raz, discussing present day alternatives to mythological problems in Gilgamesh
Molly: Oh, my God. Check out that guy's Handlebar Moustache!!!
Molly's Dad: Ha! Wow, he's got the mustache wax and everything goin' on!
Molly: I have to get a picture of this. That's intense.
Molly's Dad: What ya gotta do is get out your phone and get it to the camera part right now. Have it ready. Then follow him and hide some place ahead of him and wait for him to come around the corner. It's like hunting wild game!
Molly: Have you done this before, or something?
-On familiar games at Costco
