Jessica Wachtel


Florida Atlantic University


New York, NY

At a Glance

I often wonder what I'd do if I lost my inspiration. Then I get on the bus and see a woman rip a hair out of her head and start flossing her teeth. It's good to know that as long as human nature stays so perfectly impeccable I will always have my muse.


Jessica made her great escape from Boca Raton to New York City in 2006 only to find out that people are not only as belligerent, but worse as a result of the close quarters and sheer number of people calling the city home/ vacation/ insert here. After years of spectating, she has decided it's time to detail her adventures in the world of the "Are You Kidding Me" open forum style for the entertainment (possibly enlightenment?) of others. Her life's goal is to figure out why people think it's a good idea to stop at the top of a crowded staircase to dig for a map in their fanny pack during rush hour with 200 angry New Yorkers on their heels.


The firsthand account of one girl's quest to navigate through a world of the absurd, while keeping her common sense about her.

LA Traffic from an NYC Perspective

After six long years in New York City, I decided to jump ship and head for greener pastures in Los Angeles. For those of you unfamiliar with how driving in LA works, allow me to elaborate.
Aug 10, 2012

Jumpin' Jehovah's Crap!

I was handed my very own copy of a magazine I instantly dubbed "my main entertainment source for the next few days": The Watchtower… Announcing Jehovah's Kingdom.
Jun 21, 2012

Dear Mayor Bloomberg, Here's How to Fix NYC

Presenting my simple plan to save New York, starting with fewer fat people. Fear not, non-New Yorkers, something tells me this plan will be effective in any city, large or small.
Jun 1, 2012

Two Drops in the Politically Incorrect Bucket

NYC's Channel 2 opened our borders to Al Qaeda, and a very white woman made and won an argument awarding her "colored status." Just your average local news.
May 24, 2012

March Madness: The Worst Month in Jessica History

For those of you who don't live in crazy land, let me break it down for you so you can see what life is like when luck takes a serious downward turn. This is March Madness sans basketball.
Apr 19, 2012

Graduation: The Start of Something Terrible

Just in case you need further persuasion as to why you should never ever leave college, consider loan repayment and mandatory attendance at work... EVERY DAY.
Mar 27, 2012

My Dating Life is a Fairy Tale Remix

Even though things are going well on the dating front for now, I am not exactly living in a fairy tale. Or is it that I've lived a part of EVERY fairy tale relationship up to now?
Mar 6, 2012

Excuse Me While I Enter My Observational Enlightenment Phase

The line for shitty airport pizza takes longer than the security line because travelers must select their own meal; there are no TSA agents pushing you to choose cheese or pepperoni.
Feb 28, 2012