Vernon Carter Ross


University of Iowa

Class of



Portland, Oregon

At a Glance

Is this where I write something to make you fall in love with me?


My name is Vernon Carter Ross. I'm in Iowa now for school. Ugh.

Praise for Vernon Ross:
James Danowitz of the Chicago Sun-Times hails, "Vernon Ross is a master of his generation. The wit at which he plays with is cunning and deeply moving. If I could buy happiness I would legally adopt him as my son."

Oh stop it, James. You're making me blush.


Sometimes I say things. Many times they are funny. Many times they are awesome.

How Do U Go Hungry In The Winter They Litraly Put Salt All Over The Streets Idiot 10/2/12
Ecce Homo Restoration Fail Now On Twitter "New Jesus" 9/1/12
Memes! 8/4/12
Vernon's Tweets No. 8 - Bart Simpson 7/17/12
My First and Best Relationship 5/27/12
Caligula was Right (Four Signs of the Rapeocalypse) 5/8/12
My Name is Joel 4/16/12
A Mixtape for Your Girl 4/3/12
How to Write a David Foster Wallace-squian Recursive Sentence 3/30/12
I'm a Loser, Baby; So Why Don't You Kill Me 3/25/12
Vernon's Tweets No. 7 - Selena Gomez 3/18/12
Down and Out in Cook County 3/17/12
In Which Yours Truly Interviews Alison Agosti 3/14/12
In Which Yours Truly Interviews Julieanne Smolinski 3/13/12
In Which Bret Easton Ellis Writes a Love Story 1/31/12
Vernon's Tweets No. 6 - Happy New Years! 1/2/12 Another Satisfied Customer 12/15/11
Vernon's Tweets No. 5 - Movie Night 12/13/11
Real Men Shed Tears 12/8/11
Vernon's Tweets No. 4 - Never Gonna Grow Up 12/8/11
Vernon's Tweets No. 3 - The Waiting Game 12/6/11
Vernon's Tweets No. 2 - Life Goals 12/3/11
Vernon's Tweets No. 1 - 2Pac Paradise 12/2/11
Now That's What I Call Christmas! Vol. 1 11/27/11
Happy Thxgiving You Nerds! 11/24/11
Little Window Into My Life, Folks 9/30/11
Let's Talk About Crying, Baby 9/24/11
There's a Little Truth to This Story 9/20/11
His Name Tag Said "Chilly Heinz" 9/6/11
Vernon Strikes Out 9/2/11
TMNT Dream Sequence 8/30/11
School: First Day Part I 8/22/11
Vernon's Breakdown of the Backstreet Boys 8/18/11
Vernon's Crying Game 8/9/11
Vernon Can't Do Accents 8/4/11
On "House" 8/1/11

Comedy Articles

That 80's High School Party
My best friend Winston heard that my parents would be out of town for the weekend and his eyes glazed over with one thought: PARTY. And before I knew it, the wheels were in motion.
Apr 5, 2012

Of All the Gas Stations in All the World
"Hey, David," I say to the cashier manning the register at my all-time favorite gas station. I have a soft spot for gas stations for two reasons: nonjudgment and proximity.
Aug 13, 2011

Teen Wolf: How It Got to the Big Screen
Felix sat down in one of the moderately expensive chairs and set his briefcase on the table in front of him. Inside was the script. Not just any script, but his life's accomplishment.
Jul 5, 2011

The Best Elevator Music I've Ever Heard
I was the center of elevator attention and not in the best way. The doors opened on 17 and everyone--and I mean everyone--got out. I slumped to the floor.
Jun 16, 2011

Spent by the Bell
As I exit the school I hear laughter and it reminds me of a time when we were full of promise and ambition. A time when we were invincible and nothing could bring us down.
Jun 4, 2011