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"This sucks, I only know one guy with cystic fibrosis and he's a real asshole."
-Sean, on the wonders of fundraising
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Recent Comments
| Author | Comment | Article |
|---|---|---|
| Andrei Trostel | I'm generally a very | Eschewing the Tip Drill |
| sex boy 123 | i want to do sex | The Facebook of Sex |
| Anonymous | Who know someone trying to | How to Write a Great Suicide Note |
| Kayleigh | Not everyone can pull them | What's With the Beard? |
| Molly Williams | Gideons International | Goats: Harbingers of the Rapeocalypse |
more
School: Other
Hometown: Trenton, New Jersey
At a Glance:
Hi, my name is Matt. I like to write about things that are highly unusual. I also once sold a mind control device on eBay. If anyone wants to stop and say hello please add me on Facebook or email me. Any spam will result in me teleporting to your front doorstep and the end result will be a kitana through your Adam's apple (through your cervix if you're a chick.) Thank you :DBio:
"There's 2 two types of good people in this world. People who hate other people, and dead people. FUCK PEOPLE."Comedy Articles:
Three Shitty Products Masquerading as Food3 comments, 3.1 stars
When I think of food, I don't think of a rectangular chunk that looks like a gargoyle with a square asshole shit it out. Or a meal that looks like a bunch of scabs swimming in a puddle of whale semen.
4 Holidays That Should Be Abolished2 comments, 3.6 stars
Holidays are supposed to be wondrous occasions to celebrate, but for the most part, a few come to mind that should be abolished and permanently etched off calendars worldwide.
1-800-PEDOPHILE: Take Control of Your Children Today!12 comments, 4.8 stars
Nowadays, it's all too common for a mother to have the holy blue hell beaten out of her daily by her 8-year-old son. But not after a visit by one of our trained sex offender actors!
A Stripper's Job Isn't to Talk About My Life30 comments, 3.4 stars
The gentleman's club stripper will sit next to you and gab like she's actually interested in you. And she won't shut her cock-trap up until you ask for a lap dance.
A Burglar's Guide to Break-In Etiquette11 comments, 4.9 stars
How many times have you barbarously bashed a window when you could've courteously climbed through it? Here are 5 crucial tips for transitioning from careless klepto to cordial crook.
Mistresses of Satan, aka Women28 comments, 4.3 stars
A woman may be as beautiful as a jewel-encrusted diamond, but on the inside, she's as ugly as the elephant man swimming in a big fucking puddle of diarrhea.
Comments:
- And why would that be? - Jul 29, 2011
- A retired stripper, huh? Is there such a thing? Well if by "retired" stripper - Jul 17, 2011
- You are totally missing the point of the article, which is understandable bec - Jul 14, 2011
- Concact our # now, even before your child is born and you shall receive a !0% - Jul 14, 2011
- Kathryn and Richard, My company has to use fake child molestors in order t - Jul 1, 2011
- Glad y'all liked my article. And that picture Court added to this article is - Jun 29, 2011
- The 3 girlfriends that I have were all lying, cheating psychos. I really didn - May 18, 2011
- I don't wave singles at strippers because I don't go to strip clubs anymore. - May 16, 2011
- Oh yeah, you just unloaded a whole bunch of hidden secrets about me that anyo - May 16, 2011
- Exactly. ^^^ - May 12, 2011
- Sorry I didn't get the memo that stating my opinion is considered overreactin - May 12, 2011
- If you are a registered sex offender, all your library fines are waived for a - May 2, 2011
- I prefer to smash insects with books than to read books about insects. :D - May 2, 2011
- Maybe baby stink bugs are born from the dead mommy stink bugs uterus? But lik - May 1, 2011
- Is that secluded section the bathroom? lol Wow that's great, they might as we - May 1, 2011
- My Oh shit, I'M the asshole moment: A few months ago, I was on the library - May 1, 2011
- I have ten penile regions, so I do prefer a woman with multiple vaginal regio - Apr 30, 2011
- They are all household items in every Indian/Pakistani/Afghani household, exc - Apr 30, 2011
- If I have a girlfriend by this Halloween, I shall be Mike Hunt, and she shall - Apr 30, 2011
- Tie him to a stick of dynamite and light him and I will bet he will pop then! - Apr 30, 2011
- I am aware of that sir, just that gynecologist is the politically correct ter - Apr 30, 2011
- Lighting them on fire with a simple lighter looks cool. Their legs start kick - Apr 29, 2011
- http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&biw=836&bih=470&source=hp&q=papsmear - Apr 29, 2011
- I think it was some kind of shitty steak sauce from a company nobody ever hea - Apr 29, 2011
- I have no clue why nobody bought it. I figured maybe a priest would buy it as - Apr 28, 2011
- Few years ago I tried selling "The Ketchup From Jesus's Last Supper." Did not - Apr 28, 2011
- I am a fan of irreverent religious humor myself as well. I have written some - Apr 28, 2011
- "GPS tracking for when you are inevitably kidnapped and black-bagged while pe - Apr 28, 2011
- Thanks Andrei glad that comment made you lol - Apr 26, 2011
- I'd take the gator too, because at least they'd have some use in the househol - Apr 26, 2011
- Or "Spread those legs and mayo" by Molly Williams. - Apr 25, 2011
- Not with me you wouldn't ;) (oops sexual harassment!) Besides, my cat would e - Apr 25, 2011
- You're good with those Andrei, ever thought about doing standup? - Apr 24, 2011
- Scorpion from Mortal Kombat is an easy bad ass home remedy. He would grab a h - Apr 24, 2011
- "High" finance is great! - Apr 24, 2011
- Other things that will dissolve a bug -Cats that fire lasers out of their - Apr 23, 2011
- No it does not make much sense at all Andrei! - Apr 23, 2011
- Molly can you make sandwiches in the missionary position or while doing doggy - Apr 23, 2011
- Haha, great article, Molly! Women are all vegetables especially in the missio - Apr 20, 2011
- I didn't know a pound of marijuana is insured by the FDIC risk free! Now time - Apr 20, 2011
- Yeah, just how tame and pg rated isn't enough anymore to assassinate a hard o - Apr 19, 2011
- By the way I think you must have read the lawyers suck and fuck u2 comment wr - Apr 19, 2011
- Yeah if it was X Rated and wild it would be deemed as pro boner. And plenty o - Apr 19, 2011
- Lawyers suck and fuck U2 ;) - Apr 19, 2011
- Haha I will keep that defense in my head for future hate crime offenses again - Apr 19, 2011
- I forgot to add while I was firing my paintball gun off at them, I was callin - Apr 17, 2011
- Sometimes I set those bastards on fire with my lighter. Poor bug, I can only - Apr 17, 2011
- He also stole your virginity. - Apr 17, 2011
- Eric, I think to piss you off more in the next article, I am going to writ - Apr 17, 2011
- Good idea, can't get another bias intimidation charge on my belt. Last bias i - Apr 16, 2011
- My cat jumps pretty high and catches them (or gets them when they're crawling - Apr 15, 2011
- Thanks! Glad that comment induced some lulz - Apr 15, 2011
- I am lucky enough to have a cat that kills those little stink bug fuckers on - Apr 15, 2011
- Deal. I just thought a game of lobster bowling (to irritate the lobsters) wou - Apr 15, 2011
- Well, unless it's a hilarious cartoon bear, then I am afraid you are right. H - Apr 15, 2011
- Is Copernicus Homeless Lunatic Wizard also going to have his own lunch box an - Apr 15, 2011
- Imagine the people watching the news report cackling at all the carnage! Hell - Apr 14, 2011
- Copernicus Thunderbird, Homeless Lunatic Wizard deserves his own comic book, - Apr 14, 2011
- "And I've been raped by a lot of things before: clowns, bears, robots, leprec - Apr 14, 2011
- I could grizzly bear the fuck out of it Andrei! I'll hijack a 18 wheeler and - Apr 13, 2011
- Why yes you can! You will only be charged with a hate crime if you burn a cru - Apr 12, 2011
- I can imagine there lawyer saying, "Your honor my clients are not racist hate - Apr 11, 2011
- Well, one can make the obvious assumption that I am a member of the White Kni - Apr 9, 2011
- By law, if you burn a cross by a black person....oops African American person - Apr 8, 2011
- This is one of my favorites I have read so far on this site. Makes me want to - Apr 8, 2011
- As many times I have ejaculated inside of my ex girlfriends, it's a surprise - Apr 8, 2011
- I never had the problem of a girlfriend being jealous of me looking at other - Apr 8, 2011
- I like lemon meringue pie, but only if i don't find a billion numbers inside - Apr 8, 2011
- You are welcomed for your words of solid praise. - Apr 8, 2011
- They were going to call her the white widow, but that brought too many kkk al - Apr 6, 2011
- Patchacho the peasant, thanks for thee praise for my article. Now bow your h - Apr 4, 2011
- No, you keep all of your cash in $2 bills and silver dollars. - Apr 3, 2011
- Yes i did Keke! I also sent him a copy of the old Dick Tracy movie, because y - Apr 3, 2011
- The ones about Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Mr Fantastic are my favorites. - Apr 2, 2011
- Lyle- They already invented an electric fence for women? Does it send electri - Apr 2, 2011
- Your comment gave me a great idea for an invention, Molly! An invisible fence - Apr 1, 2011
- Well, Lyle instead of chasing women in parks after dark, perhaps you should t - Mar 31, 2011
- Here comes the troll roasting. First, my assumptions were correct that anonym - Mar 31, 2011
- Hey, anonymous asshole, (or do you prefer nameless nitwit?) just because Andr - Mar 31, 2011
