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Casey Freeman

School

University of Colorado at Boulder

Hometown

Earth-1

At a Glance

KC was born in Oregon, raised in the Dakotas, educated in Colorado, groomed in NYC, and now teaches in Seoul, South Korea. He misses sleeping until noon, drinking nightly, and getting shot down by college girls. He still gets shot down by college girls.

Bio

Casey "KC" Freeman finished college a few years ago and he's still trying to incorporate the things he learned into his everyday life. So far, at the end of the workday not a single coworker can pack their bookbag faster than KC. At the beginning of his career at PIC he was gainfully employed as an editor at one of the worst magazines in existence, but has also worked as a bartender, day laborer, telemarketer, public relations rep, swim coach, bouncer, KFC cook, pizza delivery boy, lifeguard and trucker. Now he's an English teacher in South Korea. Life, work and the oddities in between inspire him to create things that enhance souls. Even though he's the greatest, he wants you to know that You're the Best.

Column




Reports and wisdom from a college grad lamenting the end of dining hall food, forbidden dorm sex, and a complete lack of responsibility.

Three Generations of Manliness, Completely Ruined

When I arrived at the Coors Brewery with my dad, grandpa, uncles, and brother, I envisioned the ultimate manly bonding experience. Instead, everyone pussied out.
May 15, 2013
The 33rd Annual KC Birthday Bash, Part 2

My birthday is on December 31st, which is New Year’s Eve. There’s always a party, and 99% of the people in the world don’t need to work the next day. Woo hoo!
Apr 4, 2013
The 33rd Annual KC Birthday Bash

I hope you all realized you celebrated my birthday the same time you rang in the New Year! Here's how my night of annual double celebration debauchery began.
Mar 28, 2013
Why You Shouldn't Fret That Your Boyfriend Grew a Beard

Being hirsute shouldn't be considered gross! Face fros are beautiful! They show hard work and dedication! And tons of other girlfriend-friendly stuff!
Mar 10, 2013
Excuses are Like Assholes

My schedule has been hectic for a few months. Here are some of my excuses for not entertaining you or giving you reasons to write pissy comments about my writing.
Mar 1, 2013
Celebrities I've Met, Part 3

Who better to entice kids to exercise than the baddest ass dude ever? The greatest actor ever? The greatest dude ever? This was who I met in elementary school.
Feb 19, 2013
Celebrities I've Met, Part 2

I've interviewed hundreds of people, having worked at a newspaper, and some of them happened to be famous, including Matt Stone and Rudy Guiliani.
Dec 25, 2012
Celebrities I've Met, Part 1

As an American in a foreign land, a question I hear a lot is, "Have you ever met any Hollywood celebrities?" As a newspaper reporter and a bartender, the answer is a resounding yes.
Dec 9, 2012
How Gangnam Style Has Taken Over Korea

While you may think "Gangnam Style" is hilarious, so much of the stuff in it is true about Korea: women do sexy yoga in the park, gangsters and fat guys sit in the sauna.
Nov 22, 2012
Halloween Headaches 2012

While I attract a lot of attention in Korea for being white, handsome, and taller than most locals, being disguised as Super Mario made me the most talked about item in Korean history.
Nov 7, 2012
Pre-Halloween Headaches 2012

Since I already owned the red hat and suspenders, and had grown a beard, I decided to dress up as Mario again this year, to the delight of every Korean person everywhere.
Nov 6, 2012
My Five-Month Late St. Paddy's Day Story (Part 3 of 3)

It's always been a dream of mine to have a real Irishman say, "What's the crack-a-jay?" to me. And today it finally happened... by the bar bathroom urinal.
Sep 4, 2012
My Five-Month Late St. Paddy's Day Eve Story (Part 2 of 3)

Sarah "Nailin'" Palin scooched up to me and dropped this line: "Hey. Are you gay?" And from that point on, the pornstar/Republican lookalike only got weirder with alcohol.
Sep 4, 2012
Why I Love St. Paddy's Day (Part 1 of 3)

I grew up liking St. Paddy's because it meant lots of green candy and corned beef. Now I like it because of the whiskey specials and green stickers my mom mails me.
Sep 4, 2012
The Terrifying Triangle Lesson

Mostly, all the little kids I teach in Korea love me. So what do I worry about? What terrifies me the most is mentally screwing these kids up.
Aug 27, 2012
The Sheepdog and the Bathroom Disaster

Way back in the day, my buddy Chenz wanted me to hook up with this girl with huge cans named Kiara. It turns out we both liked boozing and screwing, so things looked pretty good.
Aug 15, 2012
My Organs and I Get Laid in the Shower

Our hero and his Organs ready themselves to enter the shower for some "adult time." Everyone is excited.
Aug 4, 2012
Dealing with Drug Dealers Blows

Drugs would probably be a lot cooler if you didn't have to buy them from drug dealers. Also, if drugs were legal. And cheaper. But mostly, dealing with dealers blows.
Jul 26, 2012
Run Up to 11

A bunch of dudes I wrestle with wanted to run an 11K road race so I decided to dust off my short shorts, sneakers, and sweatbands for my first Korean run.
Jul 13, 2012
KC for President

If dipsticks like Michelle Bachmann, Joe Biden, and everyone with a campaign and a dream can run, why not me? Here's my latest interview they don't want you to see.
May 16, 2012
The Breakdown of My Shitty Apartment Bathroom

In my basement apartment in Korea there's this grinder/blender thing in my toilet. Unfortunately, it's response to toilet paper is to clog up and flood the bathroom.
Mar 28, 2012
Hitler's Long Lost Stand-Up Comedy Routine

Not only is Hitler the world's most famous dictator you love to hate, he was also a comedian! While cleaning out my attic, I came across his hand-written stand-up comedy routine.
Mar 11, 2012
Cool Things I Did and Didn't Do in the USA

America is the land of opportunity, and I had the opportunity to see a ton of family, eat two tons of food, and have enough fun for three tons of human beings. I also missed a few things.
Mar 2, 2012
How I Learned to Love Dancing

If you're really smart, you'll take a dance class in college: all girls and a few gay guys. You see, girls love to dance, and when you do too, they'll love you for it.
Feb 20, 2012
The Girl Who Should Just Shut Up

The Girl Who Played With Fire sucked worse than anything I've read in recent memory. If you haven't read it, don't. If you have read it, I'm sorry. If you liked it, don't read this article.
Feb 15, 2012
Live Like a Buddhist Monk for $50

I visited one of the many Buddhist temples in order to relieve myself of the stresses of the city of Seoul, and just see something beside the inside of different bars and clubs.
Jan 3, 2012
My Organs and I Write an "Organs and I" Column

My Organs and I are back, writing about writing an "Organs and I" column. How meta, or postmodern or whatever.
Dec 14, 2011
My Buddhist Temple Stay Fighting Off Zombies

I signed up to do a temple stay in a Buddhist temple. Not drinking on the weekend was a nice relief, and everything was pretty cool, until some monsters woke up from the dead and started eating everybody.
Nov 29, 2011
Confessions to a Star Employee

I didn't really think I'd find a calling as a professional mover, but many crews wanted me. Here's how I got stuck moving with Burt, a big white dude known for racism and body odor.
Nov 23, 2011
Halloween Headaches 2011

A true revelation occurred when a friend said, "Dude, you're wearing jeans and a red flannel and you have a huge beard, why didn't you just do Super Mario?"
Nov 5, 2011
10 Days in Korea (Part 4 of 4)

The heartwarming conclusion to KC's mom and brother's visit to Korea for sightseeing, food, people, and good times. A photo diary of your not-so-typical family reunion!
Oct 23, 2011
10 Days in Korea (Part 3 of 4)

My mom and brother (Med Bot) visit Korea for some sightseeing, food, people, and general good times. This is my diary of the momentous occasion.
Oct 22, 2011
10 Days in Korea (Part 2 of 4)

My mom and brother (Med Bot) visit Korea for some sightseeing, food, people, and general good times. This is my diary of the momentous occasion.
Oct 21, 2011
10 Days in Korea (Part 1 of 4)

My mom and brother (Med Bot) visit Korea for some sightseeing, food, people, and general good times. This is my diary of the momentous occasion.
Oct 20, 2011
My Fighting Chances in Korea

The question I'm asked the most from friends, besides, "Have you banged a Korean girl yet?" is "Have you kicked anybody's ass out there yet?" And the answers are "Well, duh," and, "Not in this lifetime."
Oct 5, 2011
Gangs of Bismarck

The appeal of gang memberships never really made sense to me. Neither has understanding the fear of gang members. Here's why.
Sep 15, 2011
KC's Cutest and Stupidest Childhood Moments

One of my favorite pastimes is explaining how cutely stupid some of my kindergarten students are. Then I remember, I wasn’t exactly the brightest of children either.
Jun 29, 2011
My Organs and I Teach School

Brain can't understand why Korean kids don't like to laugh at farts, and Fist would just like to get a few swings in to control the classroom. Fortunately, KC is in charge.
May 18, 2011
So You Pooped Your Pants

Unfortunately for you, your underpants (if you're wearing them), and those around you (if there are people around), you just shat yourself. Don't worry, we've all been there before.
May 12, 2011
My Organs and I Go to High School

Rewind the clock an undisclosed time when KC and his Organs only knew 15 years of life and attended Catholic high school, and Junk's boner was out in force.
Apr 26, 2011
Take a Deep Bow

Korean children like to play a little game called 'Ddongchim.' Trust me guys, it's not something you want to end the night on, especially as the center of attention at a talent show.
Apr 11, 2011
Failed Column Ideas from the Slush Pile

Every so often, I like to write a column of failed column ideas. Usually, they're a hit, which proves that even when I think I'm writing something shitty, people still think I'm funny.
Mar 15, 2011
My Organs and I Stay at Home

KC and his Organs chill by themselves in his Seoul apartment, the Bomb Shelter, on a Friday night. Deprived of a weekend night out, Junk gets all kinds of ideas.
Mar 2, 2011
KC vs. Acupuncture

Without warning, a needle sticks in the front of my calf. And thus began my swift introduction to acunpuncture, in which a Korean doc assaulted my back, politely.
Feb 23, 2011
All White People Look Alike

For some reason people like to compare themselves and me to movie stars or celebrities. Here are a few I've been compared to by my fellow humans recently.
Feb 3, 2011
The Man Calendar: 17 New Holidays for Guys

I decided it's time for the men of the world to step up and take what's rightfully American: holidays. Here are a few ideas for male holidays - you deserve them, guys.
Dec 30, 2010
My Organs and I Watch Korean TV

For a long time, KC didn't own a computer in the Republic of Korea, so he watched a lot of Korean TV. Here's part of the adventure surfing through weird programming.
Dec 8, 2010
Stuff I Learned the Hard Way

Take it from me and do your best to learn from my mistakes. Because Lord knows nobody else should go through the dipshit things I've done.
Dec 3, 2010
The Brutal Run-In With Your Ex

Barry and Gina accidentally bump into each other at the mall after an awful breakup. Unfortunately, they're no longer loving or kind to each other. Here's their conversation.
Nov 23, 2010
If the NFL Was More Like the WWE

What if the NFL took the plunge and tried to be a tenth as interesting and intelligent as professional wrestling? This is what it would look like.
Nov 17, 2010
Master KC Meets His Bratface Son

'Hello KC, my name is Clarence Johnson. You banged my mom 18 to 30 years ago. I'm your long lost son… (intense ellipses and dramatic dun dun DUNNNN music)'
Oct 14, 2010
Teaching Job vs. Bar Job

In my days as a bouncer, I've flattened a few noses, but guess what? The kids I teach now still want to punch me, kick in my nuts, and stab me with safety scissors.
Sep 30, 2010
My Organs and I Party in the ROK

My Organs and I live, work, and play in the Republic of Korea (the ROK). Contrary to popular belief, Asians can party. Especially Koreans.
Sep 21, 2010
Deez Nupts 2010: DirtyFest, Part 3

KC wakes up with no idea what happened. He knows he spent most of the previous night at Dirty Mike's wedding, but her can't remember the details, so The Sister fills him in.
Sep 15, 2010
Deez Nupts 2010: DirtyFest, Part 2

We were at a Chinese hall for Dirty Mike's Chinese wedding, and I was determined to stay relatively sober for this wedding, so I could remember it. It was a long shot attempt.
Sep 1, 2010
Deez Nupts 2010: DirtyFest

We all knew DM would get married soon. He told us all that he'd never find a hotter wife than his girlfriend, and we all agreed. Because his wife is hot. And cooks.
Aug 25, 2010
My American Bucket List

In case you haven't been watching my every Tweet, blog, and step, I've relocated to The Republic of Korea. But I needed to do some shit in America first.
Aug 11, 2010
My Abridged Going Away Speech

Here's a look at my awful South Korea going away speech, which I seemed to steal from endless different sources and then hopelessly butcher.
Aug 2, 2010
Dear Mom and Dad, Go Fuck Yourselves

Do you guys realize I'm now one of 30 girls in my junior high named 'Bella,' all because Mom liked the extra gay vampire movie Twilight and Dad was too dickless to protest?
Jun 23, 2010
The 10 Greatest Inventions for College Kids

The 10 most indispensable inventions for college kids, including the Asshole Alert Door Lock, Emergency Walk of Shame Beacon, and Twitter Butt Plug.
Jun 10, 2010
My Organs and I Go to Vegas

KC and the Organ Gang find themselves in Las Vegas for a bachelor party. As they hit the tables and slots, the Organs find it harder and harder to quit.
Jun 3, 2010
5 Practical Uses for Roofies

Here are some world-changing ways to use roofies, not just creepy moves that make you a date rapist. Try these on your boss, roommate, co-worker or girlfriend!
May 27, 2010
Vegas Inventions, Part 2

More stuff to complete your visit to the City of Sin, including Stripper-Gunk-Be-Gone!!!! and Bonzo's Alternate Identity Provider!
May 12, 2010
Vegas Inventions: Making Sin City Even Better

I'm confident we can make Sin City even better, so I did some market research and found ways to improve this wonderful den of debauchery.
May 4, 2010
Hey Future Employers

How's it going? I see you're researching me for a position in your company, school, or burger joint. I just want you to know, I've drunk alcohol and smoked pot before.
Apr 21, 2010
My Organs and I Go on a Job Interview

KC straightens his tie in the bathroom. He's prepping for the interview that may change his life for the better. Unless his Organs blow it.
Apr 15, 2010
Embrace Your Girlfriend's Gay BFF

When you finally get a girlfriend, let her hang out with another dude. Just make sure he's gayer than Elton John at a Macy's Pink Sale.
Apr 7, 2010
Write as I Say, Not as I Do

It's been two years since I've been entertaining (or annoying) you, my faithful PIC readers and fans. So I'd like to offer you my personal guide to writing.
Mar 31, 2010
My Organs and I Sleep

KC slumbers, but the Organ Gang still works. Junk manages to raise morning wood while Brain works on the weirdest dreams possible.
Mar 19, 2010
Rad New Inventions for College Kids, Part 2

You need me, but most of all, you need my inventions. They're sure to make your life/love life/Half-Life better. Be the first on your block to get these products!
Mar 12, 2010
Rad New Inventions for College Kids

College kids didn't always have such necessities as iPods, Easy Mac, Snuggies, and the Fleshlight. So I decided to invent some more new shit for students.
Mar 4, 2010
KC Travels Back in Time to Meet His Irish Ancestor

KC meets Mick Brady, his great-great-grandfather, as Mick exits a boat on Ellis Island after a long journey from Ireland.
Feb 24, 2010
My Organs and I Snowboard, Part 2

KC and the Organ Gang survived the chair lift, and made it to the peak of the mountain. Now he just needs to survive the actual snowboarding.
Feb 19, 2010
My Organs and I Snowboard, Part 1

I recently snowboarded in Vail. I'm fine in sub-zero temperatures, but I'm terrified of heights. Chair lifts are the reason I'm not a snow bunny.
Feb 16, 2010
Types of Music I Hate the Most

It's not that I hate all music, it's just that I hate most of it. Because let's admit it, most of it sucks. Here's a rundown of the tunes that boil my blood.
Feb 10, 2010
KC vs. Saint Peter: The Pearly Gates Challenge

So I finally died. It was pretty spectacular. But here's what happened when I finally arrived at the Pearly Gates, ready to party in Heaven.
Feb 3, 2010
KC and a Priest Walk Into a Bar

People expect me to rip on priests since I attended Catholic high school, but most are outstanding. Here are a few quotes from my favorite men of the cloth.
Jan 29, 2010
My Organs and I Turn 30

I'm only going to be in my 20's for ten more minutes and there's so much I wanted to do before I became irrelevant! Organs to the rescue.
Jan 13, 2010
Diary of a Hipster

Diary, I'm having an identity crisis. I want to branch out. I was thinking of getting really skinny, but wearing more clothes. Trendy is hard to do.
Dec 24, 2009
9 Shitty Movie Remakes I'd Be Cool With

Here are some crappy movies that, if remade, I can't imagine anybody would give a crap, because the original versions couldn't be any worse.
Dec 15, 2009
Meet Your Meats: The Carnivore's Dilemma

I like animals a lot more than I like most people, but there are still some annoying beasts out there. Here's why I eat (or don't eat) each of these animals.
Dec 9, 2009
KC Travels Back in Time to Meet His High School Self

My roommate recently constructed a flux capacitor. And by coincidence, it sent me to Bismarck, ND to meet myself as a high school senior.
Dec 3, 2009
Cool People to Drink With, By Profession

As a bartender, people always ask me who's the most fun to drink with. Now, when faced with firemen, strippers, or Ultimate Fighters, you'll know who to choose.
Nov 24, 2009
Texts From Last Night (To Myself)

Since I'm too busy to carry a notebook or voice recorder, I send text messages to myself to remind me of funny column ideas or jokes. Here are some classics.
Nov 19, 2009
What I Did When I Turned 18

Whatever you do when you're 18, be sure not to go to prison, especially if you're a whiteboy. In the clink, YOU the motherfucking minority!
Nov 9, 2009
My Organs and I Drive to Denver

KC drives in his complete chick magnet Ford Focus on the highway during rush hour Denver traffic. His Organs insist on an RJO (Road Jerk Off).
Nov 4, 2009
My Organs and I Return... From the Dead

KC must get brains! With all this rigor mortis, it's like having a permanent boner! Bring on the dead chicks!
Oct 29, 2009
Stoned Candy Adventure

One evening, I smoked some weed. Then I decided I wanted candy. My roommate, Jewels, wanted cigs. So we took The Skull Bus to the supermarket...
Oct 27, 2009
Don't Date These People

No matter how hard I complain, somehow, the scum of the earth keeps breeding. Here are 9 types of people you should never date.
Oct 20, 2009
11 Awesome Things About Being a Barback

The barback is the unsung hero of the bar. The guy who makes sure your beer is cold, your rocks glass is clean, and the lime fits neatly into your Corona.
Oct 13, 2009
Alumni Swim Team Snippets

The CU Swim Team is the most quote heavy group I've ever hung out with. Here's what these foul-mouthed degenerates had to say.
Oct 6, 2009
Drink Like a Man

Here's the deal you fucking Nancy boys. It's whiskey. It shouldn't taste like fruit. It should taste like pain. Don't flavor it up.
Sep 30, 2009
11 Awesome Things About Being a Bartender

What if I told you there's a job where you'll earn more money, fame and sexual favors than your friends who wear ties and work in offices?
Sep 23, 2009
Don't Be the Town Stoner

Kids, it's time for a little reality check: Quit smoking so much weed. I'm not saying quit cold turkey, just don't smoke so much.
Sep 15, 2009
Deez Nupts 2009: Shipping Up to Boston

I fly in to NYC and then drive to Boston for Deek's wedding. My plan is to see some Jewish traditions and start some new NYU wedding ones.
Sep 9, 2009
Deez Nupts 2009: The End of a Mother Effing Era

MFNS is one of my first, best, and closest college friends - like the older brother I never had. And somehow he found somebody to marry him.
Sep 1, 2009
The MySpace of Sex

With the MySpace of Sex, you can make sure your potential MySpace sex partners are as hot and horny as they say they are.
Aug 27, 2009
The Socially Acceptable Guide to Drinking Alone

Despite what your addiction counselor or significant other may say, drinking by yourself is totally healthy. As long as you do it right.
Aug 17, 2009
Man, I Coulda Been a Porn Star

Look bro, I know you're a big porno fan like me. But I'm telling ya, I coulda been a huge porn star. I never got the shot, you know?
Aug 11, 2009
What Really Goes On in My Head During Sex: The Alphabet Game

Guys, sorry, but it's time I ruined our secret. It's time to come clean to the ladies and tell them what we really think about during sex.
Aug 4, 2009
Fathers Be Bad to Your Daughters

I've never been a father, but I do know a lot of girls with daddy issues, and I have to thank all you dads of America for that.
Jul 29, 2009
The Official KC FAQ

Don't hate me because I was born awesome, beautiful, brilliant, and sexually proficient. I'm here to entertain the little people, like you.
Jul 21, 2009
The Facebook of Sex

With the Facebook of Sex, you can find out your sex partner’s favorite positions, if she likes giving blowjobs, and other relationship stuff.
Jul 14, 2009
Narcotics Anonymous Goes to a Concert

The Narcotics Anonymous group and their moderator wait outside the concert for tickets to the show. Every drug has its say in the meantime.
Jul 7, 2009
Bigger vs. Better: The Great Boob Debate

Occasionally I'm asked whether I like large or small boobs. The answer is: I like GREAT boobs. But what makes one rack better than the other?
Jun 29, 2009
20 Things I'm Sorry For, Sort Of

Recently I woke up and a friend told me I need to tell a lot of people I'm sorry. So I figured this is my chance to apologize for all things I've done--both drunk and sober.
Jun 23, 2009
Eurotrash-Talking

Just because you use Euros doesn't mean it's all good. In the U.S., we get our share of stupid European tourists.
Jun 15, 2009
A Serious Case of the Runs

I'm not a runner. I don't even like running or Colorado that much. So why run the 10K Bolder Boulder marathon? 'Cause I can't hold this shit back.
Jun 8, 2009
Dos and Don'ts of Going to a Movie

Even something as simple as sitting on your ass for 90 minutes can confuse the smartest person in the U.S. Here's how to go to a movie theater and enjoy yourself without taking away from the experience of other moviegoers.
May 26, 2009
My Organs and I Go to Work (At a Bar)

KC and his organs argue over whether he should still be working in at bar at close to 30 years old. Confrontation with Douchebag College Kid ensues.
May 19, 2009
Your Deities Vent at a Hotel Bar


May 4, 2009
KC and NYC Get a Divorce

Kids, New York City and I want to tell you that we both care for you very very much, and this conversation is not because of you. This is hard for both of us to say, and we want you to but we're getting a permanent divorce.
Apr 28, 2009
Realistic Jobs for Liberal Arts Majors

If you think you're going to make it big in the dancing, acting, singing, writing or drawing worlds, you've got to come to a bit of reality. If you want the arts to be your career, you have to get a job first. And jobs usually suck.
Apr 20, 2009
My First Concert, Part 2: Dancing with the White Devil

I had no idea what to expect at my first White Zombie concert. Would Rob Zombie and that hot bass player chick actually be in my little hometown? Would somebody rob me so they could buy drugs? Was I going to see real boobs for the first time?
Apr 14, 2009
My First Concert, Part 1: Precious Metal

I might have been the only person in history JEALOUS that my friends attended a Hootie and the Blowfish concert without me. It was alright though because I bought tickets for White Zombie - the concert experience that would change my life.
Apr 13, 2009
My Littlest Brother Comes to the Big City

My 21-year-old brother Lil Bot (I'm Big Bot) came to The Big Apple during his Spring Break so he could see me, party down, and get cultured--our mom wanted this to be more than a drunken fiasco like our usual meetings.
Apr 7, 2009
My Best Advice on College Chicks

Transfer to the easiest school you find with the hottest chicks. Sure your family is a legacy at Harvard, but are there hot chicks there? No, but you can be damn sure Maxim picks up plenty of babes from Miami State Community College.
Mar 29, 2009
The Ugly Side of Fashion Week

I belong at NYC's Fashion Week about as much as I belong at a smart people's convention. But shit happens and I found myself bartending an event for Fashion Week, 168 hours of small talk with strangers, wearing stupid clothes, and trying to be popular.
Mar 26, 2009
Can We Not Talk About Me for a Change?

I don't mean to bring this up, but can we avoid talking about my life for a while? It's great that you're interested in my life and all, but I'm getting tired of explaining how I lost all that weight and about the time I turned down that Victoria's Secret
Mar 17, 2009
Interview with a Mugger

"Hi, I'm here for the mugging position you listed on Craigslist. I think I have a lot to offer to the robbery profession. Maybe I could learn the trade, then possibly manage my own team of muggers and pickpockets."
Mar 10, 2009
Brokeback Mountain II: Cocked and Loaded

I know I'm not the only one offended by a movie about two gay cowboys hiding and showing their love for each other. It's high time we made a violent, sexy retelling of this pile of shitty celluloid, complete with Indian fights, chewing tobacco, and totall
Mar 4, 2009
My Organs and I Detox

Every year I go on a month-long hiatus from alcohol, smoking, Facebook, caffeine and junk food. My Organs hate it, especially Stomach, who's not nearly getting his fill.
Feb 10, 2009
Pornstar Post-Breakup Emails

Adult film stars are just like you and me. They eat meals, go to work and even break up with each other. I managed to get my hands on some of the separation emails. I hope you enjoy.
Feb 3, 2009
Pizza Delivery Boy Complaint

Dear Pizza Barn: In the 28 shifts I've worked so far, not once has a girl answered the door in a towel, and then offered sexual favors in exchange for the pizza. Please fix this ASAP.
Jan 27, 2009
Bar Job vs. Real Job

While mixing cocktails for cockteases can be a fun way of life, it also brings with it a new slough of problems. So before you business majors ditch your graphing calculators and Wall Street Journals for a bottle opener and whipped cream, heed these warni
Jan 19, 2009
Relationship Talk with Grandpa Buck


Jan 13, 2009
Cold Remedies That Don't Really Work

Usually, I'm a pretty healthy person, but I've come down with some sort of illness. Now, I'd just like to be able to talk, breathe, and not cough my guts out again, but I've tried every one of these over-the-counter cures and none of them has worked.
Jan 6, 2009
My Personal Helper Monkey

My name is Casey Freeman and I recently had a pretty bad accident. I have recovered nicely, but I could be paralyzed at any minute, which is why I'm writing to you all at Helping Paws Primates: I need my own helper monkey (or chimp, baboon or silverback g
Dec 22, 2008
It's Okay to F***

Don't look at failing as failure. Look at it as a learning experience. Unless you're failing to hit the brakes just before an oncoming freight train, failure isn't a life or death situation. You'll be okay.
Dec 18, 2008
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl), Part 2

After a glorious night of flirting, exchanged glances and shots, KC manages to bring a girl back to his bachelor pad. Whether he can get all his organs to cooperate long enough to have sex with her is another story.
Dec 10, 2008
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl)

After a glorious night of flirting, exchanged glances and shots, KC manages to bring a girl back to his bachelor pad. Whether he can get all his organs to cooperate long enough to have sex with her is another story.
Dec 8, 2008
Goon for Hire

I think we really need to insert the humanity back into the breaking of fingers, shooting dudes or making sure there aren't any snipers around. That's why I'm asking you for a position in the hired muscle field.
Dec 1, 2008
Narcotics Anonymous Goes to the Park

Mary Jane, Crystal, Harry, and newcomer druggies Val and Cracker attend the weekly NA meeting, only this time in a public park, where the temptation to sell themselves to kids becomes too much to resist.
Nov 25, 2008
Black Dudes I'd Rather Have as President

Hey kids, did you hear we have a black president? Seriously, his name is Obama and he's moving into the White House - and he's not a butler! Let me tell you some other black dudes I'd rather have as president though...
Nov 17, 2008
Grand Theft Auto IV Diary

Yesterday I went out on a date with somebody a friend recommended for me named Niko. He has this sexy Russian accent and he always carries, like, $4,000 in his pockets. We slammed into cop cars all night!
Nov 3, 2008
My Organs and I Go to the Hospital

KC wakes up in a hospital room to a metal neck and countless cords adorning his body. Junk can't believe the pain of a catheter, Eyes can't believe what he's seeing, and KC's just trying to make the best of it all.
Oct 28, 2008
Narcotics Anonymous

Mary Jane, Crystal, Harry, X and all your other drug buddies come together for their weekly NA meeting. Some blame their abusers for their problems, some can't wait to be abused again, and others just want to scream at you and keep you awake.
Oct 20, 2008
I Hail You Bloody Mary

Imbibing in a morning Bloody Mary after a long night of drinking is like fucking a relatively fuckable girl after a vicious breakup. Sure it tastes weird and is kind of a pain in the ass, but it makes you feel a little bit better about yourself for a litt
Oct 13, 2008
KC's Nupts

After seeing all the love going around, I realize getting hitched is something I strongly desire. I'm not going to rush it, but it's never to early to start planning the amazingly bitchin' sendoff my singlehood deserves.
Oct 6, 2008
Deez Nupts 2008: En Memoriam

This year alone I received about eight wedding invitations and knew of about seven more. Unfortunately, I had to skip the last three weddings I RSVP'd for, but for pretty good reasons. Here's why...
Oct 1, 2008
Let Me Be Your Special Needs Boyfriend

Since shattering my fourth cervical vertebrate I’ve received an outpouring of love, but no loving. Allow me to explain the advantages (and disadvantages) of being my girlfriend right now.
Sep 23, 2008
My Organs and I Go to a Game

KC and his organs (liver, fists, junk, and all) go to a CU football game.
Sep 15, 2008
Die Before You Get Old (and Single)

See the guy trying to dance with the girls 20 years younger than him? Keep loving and leaving them and that pathetic fucking loser could be you.
Aug 25, 2008
My Organs and I Go to Work

KC's Brain, Hypothalamus, Stomach, and Mouth face off on the Midtown NYC commute to work, the morning office ritual, and the prized lunchtime break.
Aug 18, 2008
Getting Ink Done Right

Getting a tattoo is a permanent decision. Please make sure you're a) sober b) not doing it for your relationship and c) familiar with the design for more than 30 days.
Aug 11, 2008
The Gayest Fire Alarm Story Ever

It's hard to concentrate on escaping an impending inferno of doom when you're trapped in the closet naked with your best friend.
Aug 4, 2008
Hot Time in the City: Moving to NYC After Graduation

On paper, New York City seems somewhat glamorous. In reality, it's a sweaty hellhole you'll go broke trying to survive in.
Jul 28, 2008
My Organs and I Wake Up

Just turning off the alarm in the morning requires a conscious, collective effort by several organs. Now imagine using the bathroom and calling in sick to work...
Jul 22, 2008
A Vacation from My Staycation

When you're shoved into the real world you'll have only 7 vacation days a year and a pocket full of change to spend. I hope you're willing to go on a staycation--a nice getaway to nowhere.
Jul 14, 2008
I'm the Most Famous Guy You Know

If you read anything worth reading, you--of course--have read me. How could you not know who I am? I have to be your most famous friend.
Jul 7, 2008
My Organs and I Go on a First Date, Part 2

Making dinner small talk with your date AND your organs is complicated. But will the organs live up to their end of the sexual bargain when you bring the date home?
Jul 1, 2008
My Organs and I Go on a First Date

A first date can be awkward enough already, but what if your organs coached you the whole way through and argued interally at every misstep?
Jun 30, 2008
Deez Nupts 2008: Monte's Revenge

When you're as old as kc, most of your friends throw away their beer bongs and decide they want to bang the same person for the rest of their life. These are the stories of their weddings.
Jun 24, 2008
Searching for Mrs. Freeman

Casey's going to look for his dream bride-to-be in his three favorite places: science fiction, fantasy and cartoons. Watch out, Mrs. Piggy.
Jun 16, 2008
9 Action Heroes Past Their Primes

Let it be known, aging awesome action heroes, that we appreciate you very much. But just effing retire already.
Jun 10, 2008
This One's on Me

There are certain things necessary for the coveted free drink from the bartender. Here's a quick guide to getting liquored up for free.
Jun 2, 2008
Your First Job: Are You Ready to Sell Out?

Congratulations on finishing college! You may now begin staring blankly at a computer for 8 hours a day. Every day. Bored to tears.
May 30, 2008
Drinking is Not a Young Man's Game

You think you're so cool throwing back with your buddies? Listen here, kiddie, alcohol is nothing new, and you've still got more to learn.
May 30, 2008
Thank Me Later

Reports and wisdom from a college grad lamenting the end of dining hall food, forbidden dorm sex, and a complete lack of responsibility.
May 30, 2008
Get 'Em While They're Hot

Unless you become rich, famous, or good-looking, never in your life will you have access to hot college girls again. Act fast, limited time offer!
May 30, 2008
Not to Sound Racist

Find out if it's possible to start off writing "not to sound racist" and actually not be a racist. Easier said than done.
May 26, 2008
Congratulations... You Idiots

You graduated college and now your life can really begin to suck! Shitty jobs, failed marriages, and student loans await!
May 19, 2008
Love is in the Air

It was only a year ago that Casey could have been engaged like so many other poor, hapless friends of his.
May 12, 2008
Real Job vs. Bar Job

Office jobs reward you with steady paychecks, business cards, and paper clips. Bartending rewards you with whiskey shots.
May 5, 2008
Sign Me Up for Vice President

Hmm, a job where doing nothing is not only encouraged, it's in the job description? Sounds like I'm over-qualified, but I'll take it!
Apr 28, 2008
The Next Disgusting Women's Fashion Trend

Designers have de-sexualized the female form for the last time with this atrocious, awful and un-American style: high waist jeans for girls.
Apr 21, 2008

Blog




Deep thought questionnaires, ponderings, and stories.

I'd Probably Be a Terrible Firefighter 4/16/13
They Call Me Gay Teacher 3/21/13
Farewell, Crappy Boxers 3/5/13
Staying at Home with Kevin: A Korean Christmas Tradition 12/19/12
Are You a Boy or a Girl? 11/13/12
Tattoo Advice 7/31/12
Funny Rape Jokes 7/20/12
Just One Good Reason 6/5/12
Good Answers 4/23/12
The Other Side of the Podium 4/4/12
An Old Confession 3/21/12
My New Favorite Story 3/19/12
My First Everclear Experience 2/27/12
Your Name in Print 2/23/12
Things the USA Has That the ROK Doesn't 2/6/12
Homecoming: Part 1 1/12/12
What I Meant to Say Was... 12/12/11
Fuck Like a 19-Year-Old 11/29/11
Gay Stuff in Korea 11/15/11
How to Almost Kill a Taxi Driver in a Few Easy Steps 11/14/11
KC's Cooking Date Semi-Disaster 11/8/11
The Deal 11/2/11
Sounding Smart 9/26/11
Korean Shorties, Part 2 9/16/11
Korean Shorties, Part 1 9/15/11
Two Ball Torsion 9/13/11
Get Me Off This Bus (A Song) 9/4/11
Want to Cum to My Dorm Room? 8/28/11
Passport 8/9/11
Greatest Play Ever 8/8/11
KC vs. The Trailer Park: Part 3 of 3 8/5/11
KC vs. The Trailer Park: Part 2 of 3 8/4/11
KC vs. The Trailer Park: Part 1 of 3 8/3/11
New Old Swear Words 8/1/11
Korean Family Dinner 7/24/11
Korean Weatherman 7/21/11
How Umbrellas Break (A Chart) 7/20/11
Explaining Strip Clubs 7/12/11
Bouncer Wisdom: Retirement 6/18/11
How I Read PIC 6/17/11
My Game 6/15/11
If Internet Comments Existed in 1945 5/5/11
The Eating Game 5/3/11
KC's Quick Guide to Korea 4/24/11
My Mom with the Dragon Tattoo 4/18/11
Single in Korea 4/13/11
Hey Hollywood: Grow Some Balls 4/6/11
Happy Anniversary to Me! 3/30/11
Big Huge Horrible Tragedy 3/19/11
Watch Out for the Banana: Part 3 of 3 3/9/11
Watch Out for the Banana: Part 2 of 3 3/8/11
Watch Out for the Banana: Part 1 of 3 3/6/11
Running Away, Part 2 2/18/11
Running Away, Part 1 2/16/11
The Worst Smell Ever, Part 3 (The Finale) 2/10/11
The Worst Smell Ever, Part 2 2/9/11
The Worst Smell Ever, Part 1 2/7/11
KC vs. His Nemesis 2/3/11
The White Powder That Keeps Me Going 1/25/11
Rough Week 1/20/11
KC Defends the USA 1/4/11
Your Teachers Lie to You 12/17/10
A Mouthful for the Tobacco Industry 12/14/10
How I Picked My Facebook Cartoon 12/4/10
North Korea Walks Into a Bar 11/26/10
Even With Looming War, Korean Kids Say Funny Stuff 11/25/10
Getting Older 11/15/10
Halloween Headaches 2010 11/9/10
Fire Eggs 11/7/10
The Fart to End All Farts 10/28/10
How to Make Your Dick Bigger 10/20/10
9 Awesome Things About Being Gay 10/17/10
Tim Burton to Direct Updated, Darker Version of "Winnie the Pooh" 10/11/10
Pre-Halloween Headaches 10/6/10
Dropping the G Bomb 9/24/10
Even More Funny Things Korean Kids Say 9/13/10
Gay Stuff to Say While Watching UFC 9/5/10
(Korean) Kids Say the Gosh Darn Funniest Things, Part 2 8/19/10
Awesome Korean Beer Commercial 8/17/10
I Don't Know the Name of My Poison 8/12/10
Choose Wisely, Sucka 7/22/10
(Korean) Kids Say the Funniest Things 7/15/10
I'm Still Here Suckas! (KC in the ROK) 7/13/10
Deez Nupts: 2010 Preview 6/11/10
Yes, My Organs and I are Moving to Korea 6/8/10
Why I Run 5/30/10
The Different Kinds of Ovens 5/19/10
Hey Jude 5/16/10
An Ode to the Best Mom in the World 5/8/10
KC Against Mothers Driving 5/7/10
My First Tattoo, or, An Introduction to a New Pain 5/4/10
Your Ad Here - Or, KC Sells Out 4/28/10
My Brilliant Theory on Sequels (From When I was Eleven) 4/26/10
What You Missed Tonight, Baby... 4/16/10
KC's Dream About Rebel Girl 4/14/10
Meet Singles in Your Area 3/23/10
Gettin' Girl Drunk 3/21/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Hook Ups 3/19/10
Why I Still Like Saint Paddy's Day 3/17/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Disguises 3/11/10
Meeting Your Ex's Ex 3/8/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Chewing Tobacco 3/4/10
Please Make Me the Netflix Spokesperson 3/3/10
The Reason Why 3/1/10
Bouncer Wisdom: One-Liners 2/25/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Bulletproof Juice 2/18/10
When Your Mouth Writes a Check Your Ass Can't Cash 2/17/10
KC's Comprehensive Guide for Buying Wine 2/11/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Bar Room Brawls 2/11/10
The Advantages of Living with a Girl 2/9/10
Things to Do in Denver for Valentine's Day 2/7/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Door Dough 2/4/10
Bouncer Wisdom: Respect at the Door 1/28/10
Become My Follower, Lil Sheepy 1/26/10
KC vs. Turtlenecks 1/25/10
Why the USA is Better Than the Moon 1/20/10
Why I Rented The Tale of Despereaux 1/19/10
A Misfit Looks at Thirty 12/30/09
What's On My Dick? (The Spotted Dong Story) 12/21/09
The Day I Met Nelson Mandela 12/12/09
My Christmas List 12/8/09
KC as an Artist and a Young Man 12/1/09
Thanks for the Holidays 2009 12/1/09
Kiss a Little Longer: A Hair's Tale 11/20/09
What's With the Beard? 11/17/09
Mayans Predict "2012" Movie Will Suck 11/10/09
What's With the Hair? 11/9/09
So Long Foundry! 11/7/09
Halloween Headaches 2.51 11/2/09
Halloween Headaches 2.0 10/31/09
Tim Tebow Already in NFL Hall of Fame, Committee Says 10/13/09
Effing Yankee Fans 10/8/09
KC's Cutest Story Ever 10/5/09
Tawkin' To My Bitchez 10/1/09
Screw Polar Bears 9/28/09
Sorry Pervs 9/21/09
My Thoughts on Disney Buying Marvel 9/3/09
Road Trip Warrior: Denver to Sioux Falls 9/3/09
Happy Birthday, Mekaneck! 8/15/09
Denver Six Gun Salute 8/14/09
Dear Gay People, Keep Doing What (And Who) You're Doing 8/13/09
Check Out Deez Nupts 2009 7/27/09
Yes I Read "Twilight" But Let Me Explain 7/21/09
Hey Michael Bay, Transformers 2 SUCKED!!! 7/6/09
My Deep Dark Secret 6/26/09
KC vs. Bumper Sticker Logic: Dismembering Your Member 6/22/09
Happy Birthday Old Clicky 6/15/09
Don't Spoil This For Me, Please! 6/3/09
Hey George Lucas! 5/12/09
Oh Wow, Yet Another Plague 5/12/09
I'm Getting More Popular 4/24/09
KC = NYC Tour Guide 4/16/09
Candied Questions 4/7/09
Foolish Questions 4/2/09
Bar Facts for Saint Paddy's 3/17/09
Invisible Brain 3/10/09
Tattoo Drive 3/2/09
High Fallutin' Writin' 3/2/09
Lentil Questions 2/25/09
KC's Valentine's Day Romance 2/13/09
Why Don't You Answer Me? 2/11/09
Personal and/or Ethical Weekly Questions 2/4/09
How Much I Like Boobs (Cartoon) 2/3/09
A Few Honest Questions For You to Answer 1/21/09
Canada Geese: The New Terrorist Threat 1/16/09
More Questions For You 1/14/09
Post Holiday Questions of the Week 1/7/09
Vintage 2008 12/30/08
Happy Birthday To Me 12/30/08
A Shot, A Beer and Some Therapy 12/17/08
Non-Essay Questions 12/17/08
Happy Holiday Questions 12/10/08
Weekly Questions at the Bar 12/3/08
Thankful Questions 11/26/08
Qualitio Controllo 11/24/08
Weakly Asked Weekly Questions 11/19/08
Want to See Me Mostly Naked? 11/18/08
Let Me Be Honest With You 11/13/08
Sort of Best Questions Ever 11/12/08
Non-Partisan Questions 11/5/08
Halloween Headaches 1.0 11/2/08
Just Curious 10/29/08
What You Should Be For Halloween 10/24/08
Shoot First, Ask Questions Two Weeks Later 10/22/08
Paul Frank for President 10/12/08
Saucy and Mountie Questions of the Week 10/8/08
Answer My Q's or Lose 10/2/08
KC'S Guide to Buying Gifts for KC 9/30/08
I Fought "The Fire" 9/25/08
Mind Your A's and Q's 9/24/08
I've Got Q's, You've Got A's 9/17/08
One Month Later 9/16/08
For Me It Will Always Be Too Soon (Not Funny) 9/11/08
Why Oh Why? 9/10/08
My Fantasy Football Team 9/3/08
Don't Be Such a Query 9/3/08
Even Crippled, I Have Questions 8/28/08
Thank You 8/23/08
Kc in Recovery 8/21/08
Questions for You 8/13/08
My Feminine Side 8/11/08
Paul Frank vs. X vs. kc 8/7/08
Why So Serious? 8/6/08
In Defense of NYC 8/4/08
The Hugging Lion 7/30/08
Excuse Me, I Have a Question 7/30/08
Parting Words 7/25/08
Quick Queries 7/23/08
An Open Letter to Our Forefathers 7/21/08
I Don't Want to Be Smart Any More 7/17/08
Nate Questions His Way, So Do I 7/16/08
Savage Love vs. kc 7/15/08
The Truth Behind the Texts 7/10/08
Nothing For Your Thoughts 7/9/08
Will Someone Please Answer Me? 7/2/08
Feeling Horny? 7/1/08
Alarming 6/27/08
I Need Answers! 6/25/08
Ha Ha, He Said "Motherfucker Cocksucker" 6/23/08
Harrison Ford Face Off 6/18/08
My Maiden Voyage 6/16/08

Comedy Articles


Happy 10th Birthday, PIC
I don't remember exactly how I came upon PIC. I know I was cruising for porn, something funny, or both. But I landed here, saw a few things that made me laugh, and now here I am 3 years later, 200+ articles written.
Dec 17, 2010


How to Tell If a Girl is Crazy
Men, don't fret if you've been burned by a psychotic woman before - I have too. Many many times. Here are 10 warning signs to prevent you from falling prey to this unyielding predator.
Feb 18, 2009


Dos and Don'ts of the Gym
There’s a lot of things going on in the gym. It can be a confusing place, especially for fucking idiots. For example, taking a leak in the shower is OK; jacking off in there is NOT.
Sep 3, 2008


11 Awesome Things About Being a Bouncer
Sometimes you just feel the need to punch somebody. And if you follow that impulse, there's a job that let's you live your fantasy: grab a clipboard and become a bouncer.
Aug 12, 2008


11 Things You Must Do Before You Finish College
11 things you should absolutely try before you graduate college, including banging in the stacks, fighting a bouncer, and stealing every last condom from student services.
Jun 21, 2008