K Si

"Eww, aw, man! Don't kiss my face-taint..."
-K Si's wifey, after he kissed the piece of skin between her nose and mouth

K Si: No no, you CAN'T light a pool of gasoline on fire by dropping a cigarette in it.
Kyle: Well yeah, 'cause a cigarette isn't as hot as REAL fire...
-I hate when I get that FAKE fire

Mall Santa: Merry Christmas to all!!
K Si: If you see the birthday boy, punch him in the face for me!
-Spreading the holiday cheer via fisticuffs

Checkout Girl: ...Busch Light?
K Si: I like my beer like I like my women: cold, cheap, and from Wisconsin.
Checkout Girl (sarcastically): Well enjoy your Busch Light...
K Si: Ya know, getting drunk on GOOD beer is like taking the kids to soccer practice in a Ferrari: it gets the job done but it's just FUCKIN' overkill.
-Someone's got to educate the 19-year-olds

Annie: This is going to sound really crazy but there's only a few wrestlers I actually watch for the wrestling... I mainly just pay attention to the storyline.
K Si: That's like watching porn for the story!!
-Except for the sex I guess

K Si: Shit!, Fuck! Joe, why do I suck at life?!?
Joe K: Because you let life suck at you....
-K Si, as he dropped his keys and cell phone, then spilled his beer while bending over them pick them up

K Si: If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?
Mikey: Midget porn!
Joe K: Amputee strippers!!
TK: Retards!!!
-Not getting the whole "rhetorical thing"