About Tyler Haggard
Hometown
Durham, NC
School
North Carolina State University
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Hi, I'm Tyler Haggard, and you can't do shit about it.
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Want A Cigarette?
Posted January 10th, 2008 by Tyler Haggard
Recently, my school has implemented a new and completely unnecessary initiative. This comes as no surprise; this is the same tuition-collecting-off-of-me school that set aside some $200,000 to construct a center aimed on catering to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans-gender population. An entire building. Devoted to this.
Don't get me wrong, I have no damn problem with the choices that people make pertaining their own sexual interests. If someone finds grotesquely large women attractive, God bless 'em; they'll be spending date money not on movies, but Chinese buffets that rival The Great Wall in length. If one man wants to persue sexual relations with another man, I really couldn't care less, so long as they point their Dowsing Rod in a direction other than mine. However, if a chunk of my tuition, the money I pay to a state-sponsored institution in order to gain my education, if a sum of that money goes to a cause I don't buy into or benefit off of, I feel as though my hard-earned cash could have been better spent elsewhere. Better food at the dining halls. Lower room-and-board costs. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
This policy, though, has no monetary implications. This policy centers on behavior.
According to someone who would know these kind of things, the state of North Carolina has recently implemented a policy that you cannot smoke cigarettes inside, or within 25 feet, of any state-owned building.
The following exchange was... exchanged... between myself and a poor, misguided soul who is paid to enforce said policy.
Poor, Misguided Soul: You have to smoke that 25 feet away from the building.
Me: I've been smoking in this spot every day for an entire semester. No.
P,MS: New law. If you don't move, I'll have to write you up.
Me: So then, in your opinion, where would be an appropriate place to smoke?
P,MS: In the parking lot.
Me: That's at least 200 feet away, jackass. What about the end of this bench?
P,MS: That's probably 25 feet.
Me: Correct. People like you are what's fundamentally wrong with this country.
P,MS: Huh?
Me: Want a cigarette?
And so, begrudgingly, I moved to the end of said bench.
Today, however, I picked up a copy of The Technician, the school newspaper of North Carolina State University.
Inside was the following headline and news-write:
Recently, my school has implemented a new and completely unnecessary initiative. This comes as no surprise; this is the same tuition-collecting-off-of-me school that set aside some $200,000 to construct a center aimed on catering to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans-gender population. An entire building. Devoted to this.Don't get me wrong, I have no damn problem with the choices that people make pertaining their own sexual interests. If someone finds grotesquely large women attractive, God bless 'em; they'll be spending date money not on movies, but Chinese buffets that rival The Great Wall in length. If one man wants to persue sexual relations with another man, I really couldn't care less, so long as they point their Dowsing Rod in a direction other than mine. However, if a chunk of my tuition, the money I pay to a state-sponsored institution in order to gain my education, if a sum of that money goes to a cause I don't buy into or benefit off of, I feel as though my hard-earned cash could have been better spent elsewhere. Better food at the dining halls. Lower room-and-board costs. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
This policy, though, has no monetary implications. This policy centers on behavior.
According to someone who would know these kind of things, the state of North Carolina has recently implemented a policy that you cannot smoke cigarettes inside, or within 25 feet, of any state-owned building.
The following exchange was... exchanged... between myself and a poor, misguided soul who is paid to enforce said policy.
Poor, Misguided Soul: You have to smoke that 25 feet away from the building.
Me: I've been smoking in this spot every day for an entire semester. No.
P,MS: New law. If you don't move, I'll have to write you up.
Me: So then, in your opinion, where would be an appropriate place to smoke?
P,MS: In the parking lot.
Me: That's at least 200 feet away, jackass. What about the end of this bench?
P,MS: That's probably 25 feet.
Me: Correct. People like you are what's fundamentally wrong with this country.
P,MS: Huh?
Me: Want a cigarette?
And so, begrudgingly, I moved to the end of said bench.
Today, however, I picked up a copy of The Technician, the school newspaper of North Carolina State University.
Inside was the following headline and news-write:
Lighting up around campus
While the Smoking Regulation for University Facilities, which only allows smoking in areas more than 25 feet away from buildings, took effect Jan. 1, the restrictions will not affect University Housing building areas until this summer, [the] director of University Housing said.
"[The smoking restrictions] don't impact the residence halls until July," she said. "As much as possible, we try not to make policies in the middle of the year.
While the Smoking Regulation for University Facilities, which only allows smoking in areas more than 25 feet away from buildings, took effect Jan. 1, the restrictions will not affect University Housing building areas until this summer, [the] director of University Housing said.
"[The smoking restrictions] don't impact the residence halls until July," she said. "As much as possible, we try not to make policies in the middle of the year.
Believe me when I say I did an enthusiastic fist-pump upon reading this.
These illiterate and pompous Resident Advisors (aside from my RA, Hughes, who is a damn cool guy) had failed to research the policy and notice this little caveat.
Not for long, though.
As I write this, I am sipping a bourbon and ginger ale, and waiting to go outside and smoke me a Camel Filter, the 2nd best cigarette besides Kamel Reds. And when some uppity bitch comes up to me (as I've had happen four times since the implementation of this law), I'll have 1 of 4 printed copies of this article ready to had to them, with the important parts highlighted.
The moral of this non-story?
Read the newspaper, kids. It pays off every now and then.
These illiterate and pompous Resident Advisors (aside from my RA, Hughes, who is a damn cool guy) had failed to research the policy and notice this little caveat.
Not for long, though.
As I write this, I am sipping a bourbon and ginger ale, and waiting to go outside and smoke me a Camel Filter, the 2nd best cigarette besides Kamel Reds. And when some uppity bitch comes up to me (as I've had happen four times since the implementation of this law), I'll have 1 of 4 printed copies of this article ready to had to them, with the important parts highlighted.
The moral of this non-story?
Read the newspaper, kids. It pays off every now and then.
8 Comments
Stickin' it to the Poor, Misguided Souls.
Its good to hear that someone has found a loophole in all these smoking regulations going on in this country.
Good Job
i like the ad at the top of the page.
irony, thy name is tyler's blog.
I hope you'll follow-up tomorrow with the exact exchange that takes place when you pull out that paper. If possible, please try to incorporate "misdirectional" smoke-blowing into it.
Our rulers are collectivists. They want us to think of ourselves as a group, hence the reason state funded schools have organization for "colors" of people and "sexual orientation." The less we think of ourselves as individuals, the less likely we our to want idividual freedom. This is the way of the world. In 2011, you'll need a federal ID. They just passed a law that says that you can be a local terrorist or some such shit for speaking out against the government and the tobacco companies lost so much money in court that they can't afford to lobby like they used to so they can't help control the machine.
The world is fucked. And not to sound old dude, but it only gets worse as you age.
Incorrect. The best cigarette in the world is a Newport. The second best cigarette in the world is another Newport.
Props for the Simpsons reference.
I, too, have faced the PMS known as RA'S over smoking. Moments ago, honestly. I am sitting in the Union, using my payed for "free" internet and I needed a cigarette. Camel No. 9's for me. I was standing on grandriver, 60 or so feet from the union when she came up to me and told me to either put it out or walk across the street. We have a 30 feet rule. She told me I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong and I looked at her with the deepest concern, simply said "oh." And continued smoking one of the twenty wonderful, tasty little things that I pay four dollars a pack for and wouldn't put out if jesus asked me to.
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