More Unabridged Readings with Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson
Wish your wedding day would never end? With Ron Johnson’s help, it almost won’t.
Wish your wedding day would never end? With Ron Johnson’s help, it almost won’t.
Yes, I tried replacing the batteries. A fresh set seemed to do nothing except make his tone even angrier.
We don’t care about fingernails. Well, we kind of care that they’re clean, but we don’t file, buff, color, or cover them up with fake nails.
That man that I saw on the screen—that I had grown up IDOLIZING—was actually just some hack in disguise.
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
What does your couch give you that I don’t?
I enjoy the bachelor lifestyle that comes with living on an island that was ransacked by humans in the 1800s.
We’re all hurting. Which is why we need to stick together, much like these beautiful hardwood scales and the brass pins they’re fastened with.
I founded the OLA (Ostracoderms Live Again), and we filed an injunction against placoderms for forcing their jaw hinge on us without our permission.
I don’t appreciate him shaking his moneymaker on my television set to the tune of four easy payments of $19.95.
All I wanted to do is continue the progression of time the way it has been going for all of fucking history. But suddenly the pandemic's MY fault?