A Letter to Mr. Six, the Dancing Six Flags Mascot from the Early 2000s, for Being a Lying, Cheating Son of a Bitch
That man that I saw on the screen—that I had grown up IDOLIZING—was actually just some hack in disguise.
That man that I saw on the screen—that I had grown up IDOLIZING—was actually just some hack in disguise.
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
What does your couch give you that I don’t?
I enjoy the bachelor lifestyle that comes with living on an island that was ransacked by humans in the 1800s.
We’re all hurting. Which is why we need to stick together, much like these beautiful hardwood scales and the brass pins they’re fastened with.
I founded the OLA (Ostracoderms Live Again), and we filed an injunction against placoderms for forcing their jaw hinge on us without our permission.
I don’t appreciate him shaking his moneymaker on my television set to the tune of four easy payments of $19.95.
All I wanted to do is continue the progression of time the way it has been going for all of fucking history. But suddenly the pandemic's MY fault?
I seem to have sat at a desk that was positioned in front of a “shit ton of Nerf guns.” Actually, 33 to be exact.
Patient says he’s over seventy years old, but he appears approximately eight years of age. Other than this red flag, clearly has commitment issues.
Watching Others Write Checks: The viewer can see whether the person writes the check and then tears it out, or tears it out first and then writes it.