A Eulogy for Tom Brady (1977-2296)
When Tom first started playing, there were no 5th downs or 100-yard field goals. And every game took place on Earth, where gravity was a huge factor.
When Tom first started playing, there were no 5th downs or 100-yard field goals. And every game took place on Earth, where gravity was a huge factor.
We realize it’s atypical to ban someone who hasn’t violated our Terms of Service, we strongly believe that your personality and general vibe justify an exception.
"This is gonna be huge," I whispered to myself, flattening the various cold cuts dangling from my body.
That’s right, the book's value at auction is thirty dollars without the Babadook.
Does free will exist, and did I employ it when purchasing this quirky pair of binoculars? Do I even like binoculars?
I would also like to offer to pay for the damages to the building from when I ripped a meat hook out of the ceiling and swung it around my head.
What type of web is this supposed to be? Certainly not a classic orb web, or an on-trend funnel web.
When you adopt from Frankenstein’s, you can rest assured your Rescue Monster has received the highest quality of care.
Are you embarrassed that I called you out, and now suffer from some sort of movie monster performance anxiety?
I instead opt for one of my many t-shirts that feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs smoking marijuana.
We're lucky to have such great brands to remind us that individuals could be doing more to save the planet from the brink of ecological collapse.
And as we count down from five, we allow ourselves to become even more amused… Four, letting all of the non-amusement just gently melt away…