"My head is too big to fit into women's frames," I told the eyecare associate. "But it’s still not big enough to break the glass ceiling."
So you burnt your weiner and almost burned down your kitchen. Perfect time to learn how to cope with life's tragedies.
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that no one gets on the subway to make friends. Go away, Overly Social Dude.
Kids need to learn that the old school tactics of not killing a person, but killing their will to live, is much safer and rewarding.
Monks used to represent every lifestyle I could only dream about and deride myself for being too unfocused to embrace. Now I just feel bad for extreme lifestyle people.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do I have to die?” Well, let me be the first to tell you that you’re not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality.
Appreciate pointlessness more. Too often it gets shunned and/or kicked to the curb like trash on a street. Undeservedly, it is saddled with a bad, misconstrued reputation.
We can all look back at ourselves and choose to regret or be embarrassed by what we've done, or we can say, "I met a lot of interesting people in that cult."
<p>With my birthday less than a week away, and as the horrifying age of ** approaches like I would Kevin Bacon (barring the restraining order)... you know, slow at first as I don't want to startle him, but with increasing prowess and Kenny Loggins' "Footloose"<em> </em>playing in the background as I pounce... where was I going with this?
Don't lie on the street and have a construction worker ride his jackhammer and drive the sharp-edged side into your forehead. Shocking, I know.