20 Excuses for Getting Out of Looking at the Body at a Funeral
I think I just saw Grandma's ghost! She’s headed towards the Applebee's down the street. I should follow her just to make sure she gets a booth.
I think I just saw Grandma's ghost! She’s headed towards the Applebee's down the street. I should follow her just to make sure she gets a booth.
1876, Rogaine’s Custer’s Last Stand, “Scalp Issues? We’re For You” / 2005, Maxwell House’s Hurricane Katrina, “Good to the Last Levee Drop”
"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is Godzilla." –Albert Camus / "I came. I saw Godzilla. I ran away." –Julius Caesar
Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet
HUNGER: They will want to eat something blue, but not blueberries. Blue. JOY: You managed to find food that is their favorite color!
Growing up, he was a hard legume to love. He showed no emotion, said very little, and was constantly traveling for work.
Practice Compassion: Driving to the show, it’s easy to ruminate on every mistake that led to watching improv on Sunday at 3 PM. Forgive yourself.
Have you ever heard of the term "self-fulfilling prophecy?" Maybe the cross is made of some kind of metal that vampires are sensitive to.
Our first date was straight out of a rom-com. Like, literally! He took me to Fenway Park, just like in Fever Pitch.
Where Are They Now? Ghosts and Their Families / We Hate Each Other, Not You / The Illustrated Book of Lost Pets
Can you show me examples of crimes against humanity the organization has been working on? Would I be able to represent ISIS at industry conferences?
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!