“Can’t We Just Like, Blow Up His House?” and Other Things You Apparently Can’t Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup
"What gives? Let's get fro-yo and drop a piano on him Looney Tunes-style."
"What gives? Let's get fro-yo and drop a piano on him Looney Tunes-style."
“Everything must come to an end.” Did I just tell you I’m dying, or that I finished The Legend of Zelda?
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
Two goldfish crackers. There used to be six, but you reached in between the cushion and ate four of them three weeks after they fell here.
Since I’m no longer fixated on my news feed when we go out, I’ve started taking our six rescue dogs with me to the local coffee shop.
Justice Is Blind follows Clarence Thomas in his delightfully romantic quest to find his new Billionaire Best Friend Forever.
When someone mentions "that Marquette shot from '97," nod and say something noncommittal like, "Hoo yeah, that ol' can of worms!"
What chance did this damaged little runt have against such a glittering squadron of unblemished beauties?
Tonight, if you have dedicated your life to anything other than archaic information, you’re gonna have a rough time.
"A true friend doesn’t complain that they can’t give you their hoodie because their undershirt has an old stain.” --Anonymous
Did you know that exactly 12.5% of the characters are frowning? Or that 20.8% have rosy cheeks? I did.
Only when determined to be A Good Dude or A Pretty Good Dude, will This Dude I Know become My Buddy.