An Oral History of Todd’s Hot Pocket Disaster of 2018
Rose* (Human Resources Officer, 1999-Present): He walked into this office on his very first day with that Hot Pocket.
Rose* (Human Resources Officer, 1999-Present): He walked into this office on his very first day with that Hot Pocket.
This is going to hell in a hand-job! / What in masturbation?! / Fallopian out loud! / No shit, short-cock.
I know we aren’t particularly close, but we do have a ton of friends in common, which means it would be a lot of fun for me to go to your wedding.
I hear what you’re saying: this really clashes with the overall narrative we’ve built up in the past century.
“But what on earth are you doing?” cried the vexed Rapunzel. “Why, developing and toning my bipeds and quadrilaterals, of course.”
I celebrate their beauty and empower their right to feel sexy. But no matter how nice I am to sharks, they still refuse to let me be their boyfriend.
The new Boiling Lava Pit contains molten volcanic lava from the island of Heimaey, because here at DigiTech --- Authenticity Matters ©.
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
There were signs: Marco Rubio found Mitch had recently searched for “sexy outraged citizens tear male politician to shreds video.”
The crumbs on my face, the milk mustache, the hand entirely within the cookie jar—these are all circumstantial and prove nothing. NO COOKIE!
"Pretty Girls Make Graves (For Immigrants We Don’t Want and I Smile at Those Girls and Give Them a Thumbs-Up Because I'm a Hateful Racist Arse)"
Restored by Thor: With hammer in hand, Thor renovates older homes in the Pittsburgh area that are a bit out of the ordinary and unconventional.