I Am a Log and I’m Running for President
As a proud deciduous piece of American timber, I now see it as my obligation to throw my hat in the ring or, more accurately, my rings in the ring.
As a proud deciduous piece of American timber, I now see it as my obligation to throw my hat in the ring or, more accurately, my rings in the ring.
Reine, Norway - This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons.
Today we’re flying a Communal Brain Space 1000. And through a partnership with Amazon, this aircraft runs 100% on recycled human suffering.
Pride leads to compromise. Compromise leads to shorts. Shorts lead to mosquitos. Mosquitos lead to suffering.
Strutting is like strolling but you're more posed and thoughtful. Pretend you're a woman in any 1950's film, that's strutting.
DO invest in companies exploring alternative energy, such as General Electric (GE), Chevron (CVX), and my cousin’s cannabis farm, WEEDENERGY.
Weak and easily preyed upon, the Sickly Spotted Woody Pecker has evolved to compensate for its innate physical disadvantages.
The Influencer in a Louis Vuitton Surgical Grade Mask - sheepishly wave at the subject and post it on Twitter when you get home.
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
Friday Morning, Week 5 / Yellow Bungalow / Trader Joe's beer bottles (10) / Vodka bottle (1 pint) / Cardboard Pop-Tart boxes, cinnamon frosted (1)
We will no longer attend and slaughter gatherings of more than 500 people. We will be sanitizing our hooks daily, and of course after each murder.
Fires Ablaze / Rain Fall Down / Carbon Dioxide High / Winter / Where Are All The Bees, Baby? / Another Polar Vortex