The First Mission to Mars Forgets to Pack Chapstick
“D-Did I leave my Chapstick over here?” Meadowbrook blurted. “Oh!” She said. “If you did, I haven’t seen it. Maybe it floated out of your pod?”
“D-Did I leave my Chapstick over here?” Meadowbrook blurted. “Oh!” She said. “If you did, I haven’t seen it. Maybe it floated out of your pod?”
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
Vibrating Bath Bomb: We are not allowed to discuss what this may be used for (we are allowed to discuss murder and drugs, but sex is off the table).
I don’t have to worry about sun protection because we are not even sure the sun exists anymore.
I know what you're thinking: “A whole mansion for just $150! What a deal! I wonder if the low price has anything to do with that horrifying clown!”
The 1960s: Students are now allowed to bring lunches with them to school.
The first person to admit they didn’t read the book taps out and may open the wine. Watching the movie doesn’t count as reading the book.
Have fun cooking on your one-burner stove. I’m spit-roasting an entire side of beef that’s been marinating for 3 weeks in Cab Sav.
Also, I’ve requisitioned the men’s room for my milling and mashing. I’m not going to be hauling raw grain up the stairs for each and every batch.
28. Accidentally get poo on your fingers. 29. Question how humankind can get a person on the moon but can’t develop a less primitive way to procure stool samples.
When the lives of countless transgender children are at stake, I've no choice but to raise aloft my twin sai and declare, "Fearmongers, beware!"
My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.