God Sends Hate Mail to Mike Pence
As a result of that whole "free will" blunder, any direct divine intervention is off the table. We did, however, agree to a compromise arrangement.
Tag: Apocalypse
Advice From One Mad Scientist to Another: Don’t Open That Interdimensional Gateway
I’m not quite sure how to begin but I know too well how it ends: with tendrily monsters eating your loved ones.
Weathermen in a Warming Future
Expect showers outside. Please keep following the ban on indoor showers; it’s hard to believe it's been 20 years since the Great Water War.
Breaking Down the Trump Administration’s Moves and Their Impact on the Tanking Effort
While not a standout diplomat by any means, there was always the fear of Tillerson putting together a semi-competent performance.
I’ve Talked to the Aliens and They Say We’re Fucked
Contrary to popular opinion, the aliens said even doomsday preppers won't make it that far in an apocalypse. They were explicit on this.
7 Bold Tips for Getting Over Your Post-Holiday Blues at All Costs
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!
How to Nail Your Next Job Interview Even Though the Return of Xwq, the Celestial Obliviator, is All You Can Think About
Project confident body language, even if your instinctive reaction to the Ashes cementing Xwq's control on your mind is to slouch and fidget.
The New York Times Reports That a Meteor Will Destroy Earth in Two Days—Don’t Believe It
According to the NYT, scientists predict that a 30-mile-wide meteor is hurtling toward Earth and will destroy all life in two days. Here's why you should be skeptical.
Miss Tabitha’s Phone Sex and Nuclear Apocalypse Preparation Hotline
I'm wearing a transparent red teddy while I fondle myself to thoughts of your survival preparations. That’s because I'm outside of the fallout zone.
How to Tell If Your Teen is on Drugs, Or Just the Dark Harbinger of Legend
Sure, you may be worried your teen has succumbed to the latest drug craze, but it's also likely he's just the apocalyptic repayment for centuries of evil and injustice.