I Am a Log and I’m Running for President
As a proud deciduous piece of American timber, I now see it as my obligation to throw my hat in the ring or, more accurately, my rings in the ring.
As a proud deciduous piece of American timber, I now see it as my obligation to throw my hat in the ring or, more accurately, my rings in the ring.
The flag looks like it's waving because Buzz Aldrin was twisting the flagpole and Ingmar Bergman had an innate gift for the composition of movement.
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
Did you know that Bill Gates actually invented racism? It’s something he put in all the vaccines. ALL OF THEM. But no, you probably don’t want to hear that.
Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
Reine, Norway - This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons.
CHRISTIAN-CATHOLIC: Oh wow. Not a great choice. Sure, Catholics are technically Christians, but today’s voters require that you be "saved."
When IHOP changed its name to IHOB for like 2 weeks. Was it stupid? Was it as stupid as 11 states fighting to maintain the right to own human beings?
Have experience with peaceful protesting but want to take it to the NEXT LEVEL? Often described as "the last person someone would suspect of being a criminal"?
I climbed in the window of that cottage over there and the lady inside screamed. I don't know why. There were no ghosts in there. I checked.