If the Earth Really is Warming, Why is My Wife Still Leaving Me?
The eggheads at NASA say that last year was the fourth hottest on record, and yet a polar vortex of Arctic proportions has descended upon my bedroom.
The eggheads at NASA say that last year was the fourth hottest on record, and yet a polar vortex of Arctic proportions has descended upon my bedroom.
I still remember that first taste, the delicious mouth-feel of the words, the surprising burn as they went down.
You name it, I’ve been through it. Casual flings. True love. Nits. Pink eye. And I’ve been a truthteller and a trendsetter through it all.
When I got a text from my wife that you looked at her beautiful food grinders and said, “Are these rocks in your mouth? Who put these in?” I got mad.
I don’t fix my issues, but I hide them under a thin sheet of functionality that I quickly whip off with the flair of a flamboyant Las Vegas magician.
I thought space was going to be the most romantic time of our 10-month relationship. That’s why I got three new rompers and a bikini wax.
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Despite his many attempts, your ex will never so much as FaceTime with Mia, because her iPhone “can’t take calls outside the Pacific Time Zone.”
There’s no way I could have been dumped. I was in the prime of my life—I had a t-shirt for every major beer brand and I drove a Pontiac Grand Am.
You wouldn’t take away my memories just because all of your memories of Mr. Bawk Bawk are of the CEO standing over your wife’s lifeless body?
I am DIGGING the sounds and stinks coming from you two and am very excited to join in! I’ve been wagging my tail so hard it’s giving me a rug burn.
How could I ever dream of being a proponent of it when, in reality, I am a victim, torturously stalked by drama at every turn?!