20 More Eerie Coincidences Between Lincoln and JFK’s Assassinations
Both times people were upset about it. / Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating. / Thus, both assassinations were really loud.
Both times people were upset about it. / Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating. / Thus, both assassinations were really loud.
We will no longer attend and slaughter gatherings of more than 500 people. We will be sanitizing our hooks daily, and of course after each murder.
DENIAL: Maybe this isn’t even a legitimate cursed pot of money. ANGER: But--fairy fortunes don’t usually come with a blood curse!
Stay on Schedule - If you're a morning person, kill in the morning. If you're a night person, kill at night. Find a schedule and stick to it.
Margaret Thatcher - Notice you haven’t heard a peep from her since April 8, 2013? Women can also be agents of the patriarchy, too, you know.
People ask why I need the world’s most powerful artificial intelligence to manufacture a simple product. Obviously, those people aren’t businessmen.
With so many murders happening each year, it’s extremely difficult to develop and sustain a calling card that’s distinct.
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
Growing up, he was a hard legume to love. He showed no emotion, said very little, and was constantly traveling for work.
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)