I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
Give your dad the gift of a Roth IRA orgasm for Father's Day without having to label it incest.
The Dropkick Murphys performing "Shipping Up to Boston" while Irish dudes do shots and maybe make out a little bit just to see what it's like.
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.
Appetizer: Meat Yogurt -- What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt!
Things got worse after I said my favorite R.E.M. song was “Shiny Happy People.” He got so angry that I thought his slim body was going to overheat.
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
You’re two feet tall and none of your clothes fit anymore. This new trait may be the most noticeable, but it’s also the easiest to explain.
I’m disappointed in myself for not finishing Dry January (and for raiding Tortuga), but now I have new friends and I learned how to load a powder keg.
3) What did you get Aunt Peggy for Christmas? a. A big box of steering clear. b. Well, she would have wanted me to get myself something nice.
Suicides contemplated: 24 That’s 2 better than last year. Thank God we re-installed the AC. AMZN Note: EMPLOYEES WHO COMMIT SUICIDE WILL BE TERMINATED