An Open Letter to Fall Out Boy Regarding All the Incorrect Lyrics I’ve Been Singing for the Last Decade and a Half
Now, I’ll admit. I knew the words that I was singing were not in fact “words.” They were more like syllables strung together.
Now, I’ll admit. I knew the words that I was singing were not in fact “words.” They were more like syllables strung together.
I will eat at a restaurant alone, as long as I can tell a friend to show up ten minutes after I’m seated and join me.
When Mr. Cruise shouts his most favored insult at me, I must be grateful and verbally show him my appreciation with a delighted squeal.
This guide is not for the kids whose parents are still friends and kiss on the cheek every time they see each other. Those kids can go to hell.
"A Text Message Conversation Between Max and His Best Friend from High School" – This conversation experienced many deaths.
That’s when I see this sandwich, all multi-layered and cut in half with these giant toothpicks holding everything together.
I'm like: "Not today, Covid--I'm in a pod." And I'm lucky because everyone in it is super careful, like me.
A guide to retroactively adjusting your 2020 New Year’s resolutions so you don’t feel quite so unaccomplished.
I do not plan on blowing away before the next Thanksgiving. I am not merely a summer fling or a one-night affair.
As soon as I step away from my phone for two minutes, I come back to 8,700 unread messages. There’s no way I can keep up with it.
If you need big words to have fun, or are using five or six big words before breakfast, then you might have a problem.
You’re reaching out to the wrong people. You’re not best friends with that guy you met performing in a community theater rendition of Kinky Boots.