This Possessed Cabin Needs Five Blood Sacrifices but Sarah Bailed Last Minute
She used the same excuse for Lana's St Patty's party and my Ugly Sweater party last year.
She used the same excuse for Lana's St Patty's party and my Ugly Sweater party last year.
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
Climbing out of my grave, I savor the autumn air before dusting off my outfit: an oversized cardigan, plaid scarf, Uggs, and Lululemon leggings.
It sounds like it’s coming from… Oh, Dave says it’s his heart beating quick, stealing glances at his beautiful new bride.
In 1960 at our Annual Goat Blood-A-Palooza & Family Fun Day, we saw a vision of you, the chosen one. We’ve been trying to sabotage you ever since.
You can imagine what my relief will be when I go under for my final rest, a sleep from which I’ll never wake up disappointed.
"Yeah, it’s cool, I’ll just lay here—lie here?" I’ll mutter, as you clamber out of your, I don’t know, 2012 Ford Fusion, with a Phish decal.
Are you sinister enough? Do you relish the insulin whiplash of your grand-twit's metabolism as he devours a Werther’s Originals from your hand?
There are no dry cleaners open all night in my area, and so I have hundreds of bloody, or just plain smelly, shirts I don't know what to do with.
We saved lives, and now it’s safe again to watch Snow White without worrying that the theater will be overrun by pointy-eared monsters and explode.
Tragic for sure. Indeed, many of you have asked what impact the end of the world will have on your 401(k) match.
Let's not let a few small incidents of homicide overshadow the fact we recently installed washer-dryers in every single apartment.