Traveling Back in Time and Making It So I Was Never Born Has Put a Serious Strain on My Marriage
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
If I'm being totally honest, I would say for youuuuu that this new blush we have called "You're An Embarrassment" would be perfect.
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
When Uncle Bob leads the family in grace, take the opportunity to open Tinder for some discreet, under-the-table swiping, but still visible to Derek.
No one truly understands the introvert. That needs to change, and that change will begin with an uninvited three-hour conversation.
I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.
The ride starts up and our car whips around and gathers speed. "HOLY SHIT we're heading straight for the fence!" my coffee conscience says.
Mark, I want you. I want to be stranded here with you. Damn the rest of humanity! We can start over. We can rebuild, Mark!
The Sasquatchelor: Losers from previous seasons of The Bachelor are stranded in the wilds of Oregon and tasked with finding love, as well as Bigfoot.
Dealbreakers are for spinsters and women who don't shave their armpits. Take what you can get now or die alone.
Today's definition of masculinity has been warped. We men need to to get in touch with our manhood, and you better be prepared to cry and then go stone cold about it.