Dear Nicole,



I wonder what it feels like to be inside your vagina.



-CockStar

 

Dear C.S.,



I wonder what it feels like to be hauled off in handcuffs before you get a chance to wipe the Mace out of your eyes.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 
 
Dear Nicole,



Ok, I know this sounds so high school, but WTF. I have been friends with these guys for 3 years. They always complain about girls and other problems, but say
it’s cool that I am not a bitchy girl. Last month for the first time I "bitched" about this huge drama that was hurting me. Now I am not even allowed in
their apartment anymore, and they even threw eggs at my door because one roommate hates me (he is also the newest member and a freshmen). Meanwhile I have done
everything for them including drive them to other states and baked them a goddamn apple pie when they wanted one, and picked up dinner for them when they were too
busy. So now they party all the time without me and tell me what fun they had. Is this BS or did I really do something wrong?



-Fay

 
Dear Fay,



First, you have to understand that “bitchy” is a word people
use to describe girls who hold opinions or express emotions that guys think are boring, confusing or irritating. Generally, I find it’s best to confine your
conversation to MTV and Doritos. My disinterest in MTV- and Dorito-related topics has, unfortunately, condemned me to a life of celibacy.



Secondly, I strongly suggest that you avoid guys who throw eggs. This is a bizarre ritual that originated in medieval times, when lords sat atop their majestic
steeds and threw duck eggs at serfs to make them plow faster (hence the phrase “egging him on”).



Sincerely,

Nicole

 
 
Dear Nicole,



I meant to break up with this girl tonight... but instead we made out on my loveseat.. Oops! What should I do now?



-Steve

 
Dear Steve,



This situation can be easily resolved. First, use a mild foaming upholstery cleanser. Let it set for 3 to 5 minutes, then scrub gently. Soak up any remaining
moisture with a paper towel. Allow it to air-dry. Finish with a little Febreze, and voila! Your loveseat is good as new.



Sincerely,

Nicole