Dear Nicole,



I've been hurt in many relationships, how do I recover from all my hurt and get over my fear of being hurt so that maybe I can some day meet someone?



-Fran

 

Dear Fran,



Don't waste your time. You're just going to get screwed again. My advice is to
find a new hobby that's safer than dating. Something less likely to
leave you bruised, bloody, and emotionally crippled. Naked bullfighting comes to mind.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 
 
Dear Nicole,



Why not?



-Drew

 
Dear Drew,



Because it's too damn risky, that's why. Look: I've been saying this for years.
The United States should... nay, MUST... execute a preemptive strike against the continent of Antarctica. It seems innocuous enough, but that's it's power. No one
expects a nation inhabited by Chinstrap penguins and Snow petrel to suddenly let loose with an A-bomb. But if Americans want to continue to sit in their living
rooms swallowing Discovery Channel propaganda, there's nothing I
can do about it.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 

Next question below ad

Dear Nicole,



i want to kiss u, i want to spend a night with with u.



-Qasim

 

Dear Qasim,



The going rate is eight bucks. Cough it up.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 
Dear Nicole,



I've heard that going back in time feels better than having sex. Please advise.



-Il-yo

 
Dear Il-yo,



I can't really say, since I haven't done both. But I can tell you that time travel feels pretty fantastic.



Sincerely,

Nicole