Quit your bitching.

Outside of a few Justin Rebello columns, bitching has never
accomplished anything. Please stop, now. You’ll find you’ll be much happier, and so will I.



Try rational thought.

I know it’s difficult, so I’ll give you a breakdown of how it works. First, when a problem arises, assess it before allowing yourself to get emotional, then
discover alternatives to solve the
problem, then choose the best alternative; or, if you can’t find any that work, seek help (when you need a solution to the problem). If no one will help you, then
you may get emotional. Getting emotional first never helps. It’s just irrational.



Learn how to cook.

Back in the old days, women knew how to set a table and fill a kitchen. Then, women got all civil-rightsy and stopped teaching their daughters how to cook. Great, now
neither gender knows how to cook. Shit, I guess we’ll just order out for the rest of our lives….



When you tell your stories, have a point.

So after thirty minutes of listening to you drone on, we have concluded that your cat is cute, your mom can be judgmental, and you love your dad. Awesome. By the way, where can I get that rain
check for the last half hour of my life?

Stop fucking with my stereo.

I am seriously this close to ripping your cute little hand off at your dainty little wrist. Is it not enough that I have to drive everywhere we go? I have to drive and
listen to shitty music? Really. I think we need Dr. Phil in here for a ruling. On second thought….



Quit listening to Dr. Phil.

Please, for me.



Remember, blowjobs make up for everything.

Think of them as “Get out of Jail Free” cards. You suck me off with regularity, and I will watch the OC with you. I promise.



Stop crying, please.

Please baby, stop crying. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings baby, but it’s cool. I love you, I really do. I just had to get some stuff out of my system. And
remember when I stopped bonging beer for you? That was all for you, babe. Please, stop crying. I’ll do anything….



Thanks,

Nathan

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