“Hey it’s me. Call me back.”

We’ve all dialed *86 at one point, fully expecting an important, meaningful message from the caller, only to be disappointed with one of our friends wasting
minutes with a pointless verbal plea for a call back to help improve their feeling of self-worth.

This isn’t even a complaint. It’s a plea: Please stop leaving these messages.

As mentioned before, it’s a waste of my minutes. I’d rather spend my minutes calling that girl I met on Adult Friend Finder than listen to your nasally voice to tell me to “hit me up when you’re
done at work.” Secondly, it's nothing that can’t be said through a text message. In fact, it costs you a hell of a lot less to send me a text telling me to
call than to waste your time through nine phone rings, my pre-pubescent voice telling you I’m not available, and then that stupid computerized woman who spends forty five
seconds explaining every last minute detail about how to leave a message.

Finally, what you have to say probably isn’t important. No, it’s definitely not important. If you got laid, arrested, or knocked up your girlfriend,
you would have been damn sure to make sure I knew that when you called. Even so, second guess calling me next time. More likely than not, I don’t care what you have to
say. If you’re worried that I won’t call you back if you don’t leave a message, let me alleviate those fears now. It’s not that I don’t call you
back because you don’t leave messages—I don’t call you back because I don’t like you.

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