Dear Under-aged Gals,

Hi, it’s me again.

Just to add on to the pile of advice that you will never listen to.

While you are still under-aged, whatever you do, don’t lie about your age. ever. The Karma bus does not like those who lie about their age, and it will run over you. There are various possible ways the Karma bus could run over you, and they all end badly. You’ll eventually meet someone you like. This person will eventually trust you enough to send you a picture. You’ll either recognize the person in picture (family, friend, pastor, teacher, etc.), be completely grossed out by the person, or really like the person. The first two options will humble you (hopefully). You’ll probably stop talking to them and take a really long, hot bath (no matter how hard you scrub, the icky feeling will stay for at least 6 to 8 weeks until your conscious arrives fresh from the beach vacation). The last option will hurt the worst. You can’t lie forever, and he’ll find out. I guarantee you, he’ll chew you out. He will be busy trying to figure out if the cops will come knocking on his door or if Dateline is going to show up. Sure, you didn’t mean to hurt him, but he’s too busy worrying about his ass (no matter what he told you, he really doesn’t want to be the bitch). You really shouldn’t piss off the Karma bus. It has very good aim.

-Roxy

***

Dear Under-aged Guys,

I see London,

I see France,

I see little Billy’s underpants.

And the Power Rangers never looked worse.

-Roxy

P.S. A pizza flavored Hot Pocket is not a meal; it’s a fast-acting laxative.

Labels: boys and girls, hot pockets, Power Rangers