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    Dan Opp's picture

    You Don't Care About This Post

    Posted July 15th, 2006 by Dan Opp

    PIC Fantasy Baseball League Mid-Season Update

    Back in February, I called out America’s best and brightest to pit their skills against me in fantasy baseball. But they were all busy “trying to cure cancer” – whatever that is – so I opened it up to PIC’s staff and readers. With the All-Star break in baseball’s rearview mirror, the season’s halfway point has been eclipsed. As such, I figured now would be a good time to throw a bone to the masses and give them the fantasy baseball update they haven't been clamoring for.

    Notable owners in bold.

    Standings

    W

    L

    T

    GB






    1. Movin Through Kazmir (Dan Opp)

    81

    44

    15

    -

    2. Ben Feder = Bed Wetter

    81

    52

    7

    4

    3. Three If Baerga

    73

    55

    12

    9.5

    3. SNK Crushers (Chad Chamley)

    73

    55

    12

    9.5

    5. Slumposauruses (Ethan Trex from CH)

    72

    57

    11

    11

    6. Cheeky Bastard

    70

    63

    7

    15

    7. Bukkake Bandits

    67

    61

    12

    15.5

    8. Blaze of Glory

    64

    66

    10

    19.5

    9. Oquendo’s Motley Crew

    62

    69

    9

    22

    10. The Braves Suck Cox

    56

    69

    15

    25

    11. Myers Spousal Abuse

    56

    73

    11

    27

    12. Suck My Baseballs

    55

    73

    12

    27.5

    13. The Sex Offenders (Justin Rebello)

    54

    75

    11

    29

    14. The Picassos of Choke

    38

    90

    12

    44.5


    Oh man, where to begin….

    How about I start with the fact that I’m currently dropping my giant nuts on Rebello’s forehead? Sound good to you? Okay.

    I’m currently dropping my giant nuts on Rebello’s forehead.

    Justin is to fantasy baseball what MadTV is to sketch comedy. If fantasy baseball were the Wonderlic test, Justin would score lower than Vince Young. More succinctly, Justin’s team is the Kansas City Royals of fantasy baseball. In fact, he even has a Royal (Reggie Sanders) on his team. To put this in perspective, the Royals’ lone representative at the All-Star Game this year was Mark Redman, and no one in the fantasy league has him.

    Another note on Rebello: I didn’t realize that sex offenders had to announce their presence to online communities. You really do learn something new every day.

    Chad has positioned his team well for the playoffs (top 6 get in), and that’s what it all boils down to. I’ve had teams squeak into the postseason and get hot in the playoffs (see the 2005 Chicago White Sox) and I’ve had teams that dominate and choke (see the 1919-2003 Boston Red Sox ). I can make that joke; I’m a BoSox fan.

    I’d also like to point out that Ethan Trex from CollegeHumor, also writes for Sports Illustrated. And I’m wiping the floor with his ass, too. If that doesn’t allude to my incredible sports acumen, nothing does. If only I could articulate it into something people will actually want to read…

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