Caution: The following material is crass and sexual. Please put on your "inbox-only" eyes.

I get a lot of spam, but rarely do the subject lines pique my interest. This is disappointing, since I am forced to spend so much time with my inbox. But today, I received a great spam email. To show you how special this email was, I will first need to show you a sample of 10 other spam emails I received in a row today:

nice college girl in white stocking without panty
Horny Virgin Gay Gets Hardcore Ass Banged
Gay Bedroom Hardcore Action
+\/llGRA, \/ALUUM, LEVlTRRA, XANA, CAALlS, ALPRAZZ0LAM
Brunette in wild gangbang
FMM fuckand suck orgy
Blond Amateur Strips And Licks Her Feet
18yo Blond Teen Horny Dildo Assfucking Movies
Redhead Amateur Herking Cock With Tits Movies
Get $100 worth of free ice cream

(Of course, you can only get $100 worth of free ice cream after you participate in 8 acts of sex while hopped up on 6 prescription drugs.)

But no, friends, the spam email subject that jumped out at me today like a pair of double D's in an A cup was the following:

If you take me out I will do it with you

So simple, so unintimidating, so...wise. I knew right away this was a Kevin Costner moment out of Field of Dreams. I reflected on all my potential mates and realized where I've been going wrong: I haven't been taking them out to eat. Food for sex. The basic human barter dating back hundreds of thousands of years. If I feed it, I will come.

Funny how an email can speak for a thousand women. Wham, bam, thank you spam.

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