2005 that is. I mean, if the new year is going to be so damn "happy" in everyone's mind, the least we can do is subtract a lot of dignity from the previous year. What a waste of 365 days right?! I don't even know what happened in 2005, because that is SO in the past.

For New Year's, the parade in Atlanta came right around the corner where I live and outside my window. Luckily, my floor-to-ceiling windows open up completely with no screen just in case I ever get really drunk and decide to make a half-hearted attempt at suicide, and then get up with some broken bones because 2 floors really wasn't enough. My point is, I was perfect parade-height for tossing beers 25 feet to people on the top of floats. It felt like Mardi Gras pre-Katrina (naturally).

Every time the subject of New Year's resolutions comes up, the only thing that comes to my mind is that silly, timeless (post-1990ish) computer joke that goes "my New Year's resolution is 800x600." I don't want that joke to die. Ever. So I'm closing my windows now in case it gets any ideas.

Steve Hofstetter posted a very funny but true article that "rang true" about New Year's. It is here. My night went from the last category to the first category. Which is funny because he uses them in the reverse order to arrange the article-summing callback joke. But seriously, the whole text message game is really heating up these days. I'm just waiting for the time when they invent phones with voice-recognition text messaging. So you speak into your phone, it translates to text automatically, and then your friends read what you spoke, virtually twisting and tangling your cell phone into an ironic mess of plastic. Maybe after that, you won't even have to READ your text messages, your phone will speak them to you. Next thing you know, I'm going to be eating lunch with my friends and conversing through a translator who won't even have to "translate"--he just says what I say but in a cooler way. And he only costs like, $39.99/month. But if you talk for too long, he starts charging you per message. Which is why you only hang out with your good friends on nights and weekends.

2006 feels good folks. But that could just be the applesauce in my pants talking.

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