College Quotes
Kelvin: I've got my career figured out. I'm going to write screenplays... for action movies. It'll be easy. So, car explodes here, here, here and here, main character kills bad buys here and here with cool guns. Who gives a shit about about dialogue or plot or character?
Frank: What about a sex scene with a really hot chick?
Kelvin: Nah, girls shouldn't be in movies. Except pornos. And then, they only get to moan.
-On high octane sausagefests
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The Power of Magic
Posted September 13th, 2006 by Scott Goodyer
*drop smoke bomb...once smoke is half cleared, release doves into air.
*Erika and Derek pop up through hidden floor trap.
Derek: Greetings Doomed Guests!
Derek: Erika and I are honored you have come to our ceremony. I would
personally like to thank my parents for NOT coming. I hate you both Ted and
Janet...
*lower house lights and bring up red spotlight
Derek: For hell is a long journey and the pain is all I have to travel with.
*cut spotlight, raise house lights
Derek: As you all know, Erika and I refuse to get "married" in a church. The only God we
know is the God of Five....
Erika: The God of Faults.
Derek: The God of Black.
Erika: The God of White.
Derke: The God of Fuck.
*Pull out the four aces in your pocket and flash them to the audience, Erika
picks one of the cards. As she picks card, grab fake blood capsule with other hand from other pocket.
Together: The God of Magic!
*Erika "slits" my throat with card. Break capsule with other hand and grab her throat
exposing the fake blood on her throat.
Erika: Derek, I am your black pig. You found me when I was at my lowest and your
power has awoken me. Without you, I am a wonderer. A lost soul. I was the white pig.
I will cherish our love forever. I now sacrifice myself to you...
*Derek reveal's fake fangs and sucks on Erika's bloody neck.
Derek: Erika, I am the wolf (cue wolf howl sound clip) and you my black pig. The full moon tonight signifies
our love is eternal. I will love you forever. Till death do us part....
*Erika pulls out fake knife and "stabs" Derek in heart. Falls to death. Cue hawk cry sound clip. Erika gets naked.
Erika: Oh God of Magic. The Wolf is in your grace. Show him the light and bring him back to me! Bring him back to his black pig!!!!
*Cue thunder sound clip. At same time thunder clip is heard, release the hundreds of random cards from ceiling onto the audience. As audience is distracted, Derek enters trap floor door replacing self with live snake.
*Erika picks up snake and lets it wrap itself around her naked body. She begins to shake.
*Second smoke bomb goes off. Erika escapes through trap door. Replace Erika with a bunch of roses with the ACE card laying on flowers.
Side note: Wait till smoke clears before announcing directions to the Cracker Barrel reception party.
.
.
.
*Erika and Derek pop up through hidden floor trap.
Derek: Greetings Doomed Guests!
Derek: Erika and I are honored you have come to our ceremony. I would
personally like to thank my parents for NOT coming. I hate you both Ted and
Janet...
*lower house lights and bring up red spotlight
Derek: For hell is a long journey and the pain is all I have to travel with.
*cut spotlight, raise house lights
Derek: As you all know, Erika and I refuse to get "married" in a church. The only God we
know is the God of Five....
Erika: The God of Faults.
Derek: The God of Black.
Erika: The God of White.
Derke: The God of Fuck.
*Pull out the four aces in your pocket and flash them to the audience, Erika
picks one of the cards. As she picks card, grab fake blood capsule with other hand from other pocket.
Together: The God of Magic!
*Erika "slits" my throat with card. Break capsule with other hand and grab her throat
exposing the fake blood on her throat.
Erika: Derek, I am your black pig. You found me when I was at my lowest and your
power has awoken me. Without you, I am a wonderer. A lost soul. I was the white pig.
I will cherish our love forever. I now sacrifice myself to you...
*Derek reveal's fake fangs and sucks on Erika's bloody neck.
Derek: Erika, I am the wolf (cue wolf howl sound clip) and you my black pig. The full moon tonight signifies
our love is eternal. I will love you forever. Till death do us part....
*Erika pulls out fake knife and "stabs" Derek in heart. Falls to death. Cue hawk cry sound clip. Erika gets naked.
Erika: Oh God of Magic. The Wolf is in your grace. Show him the light and bring him back to me! Bring him back to his black pig!!!!
*Cue thunder sound clip. At same time thunder clip is heard, release the hundreds of random cards from ceiling onto the audience. As audience is distracted, Derek enters trap floor door replacing self with live snake.
*Erika picks up snake and lets it wrap itself around her naked body. She begins to shake.
*Second smoke bomb goes off. Erika escapes through trap door. Replace Erika with a bunch of roses with the ACE card laying on flowers.
Side note: Wait till smoke clears before announcing directions to the Cracker Barrel reception party.
.
.
.
3 Comments
You know how people say "oh, the book was better than the movie?" well this is like that. if i actually saw this i would be scared shitless, but in print it's hilarious.
Derek: Greetings Doomed Guests!
as;dlkajsdgasg that's totally how i'm going to start off my wedding.
see you at cracker barrel.
Well done Scott. I want a Goth chick now.
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