Raging and Ranting and Did I Mention Apologetic?

I’m so sorry to interrupt the Friend Zone thing, but I really do have to get this off my chest (and no, it’s my bra). (It will never be my bra. For Christ’s sake, I am not cam whore.)

Dear Mass Population,

Will you please stop lying to me? I know we’ve been over this “Roxy hearts the truth” thing before, but I don’t think you really believe me.

Guys and gals, stop saying what you think you want or what you think you should want. I’m convinced that none of you know what you want. Guys, you keep insisting that you want a girl who cooks, has similar interest (sports, video games, books, whatever), and who has a sense of humor. Most of the girls I’ve seen (and probably Leslie and Tillie have seen this trend too) falls into one of those categories at best. Girls, you want what everyone else wants (because the guys aren’t completely at fault here). If you read an article in Cosmo, Glamour, or some other ditzy, air-headed, girl-filth –I’m sorry, “lady’s magazine- that oh, I don’t know, Alan Rickman was the “HAWT”-est thing to hit Hollywood, you would have an Alan Rickman poster on your wall. (Or, you might have a crush on the guy that always has a girlfriend? I know a good portion of you are guilty of this one, so don’t try that “but I don’t like the guys in woman’s magazines hehe!” If you consistently want a guy that already has eye candy, or that everyone thinks is sooooo dreamy, than you are guilty too, no ifs ands or buts.)

Let’s simplify things. Guys want hot because hot overrules personality. Girls are turning into or already are mindless sheep. This works out because the mindless sheep read beauty magazines, trying to be whatever the best rag says is hot and that is attractive guys for some fucked up reason. This doesn’t work out for those of us who don’t like being or being fucked by a barnyard animal.

Gentlemen, I hate to say it, but I think the world needs you to step up to the plate. If you really hate those stupid bitches in big-ass sunglasses who never let you hang out with your friends, than stop banging them. Every time you bang one of them, they get the message that the current course of action is worthwhile. I know you’re just using them for sex, you know you’re just using them for sex, and sometimes even they know you are just using them for sex. That’s all fine and dandy until they start connecting sex with relationships and relationships with proposals. Instead of ending up with the girl who laughs at your jokes and understands your little quirks, you’re going to end up surrounded by girls who wear velour sweat suits and high heals and who crushes you with her hard, plastic, faux boobs every night. Now I don’t know about you, but that just screams “high-maintenance” to me.

I’m sorry gents. I know that’s a lot to put on your shoulders, but the only way I could ever get through to the mindless sheep girls, is to write an article for one of the girly magazines. I think we all know that with the way I write and think, no article of mine would be accepted without a shit-ton of editing.

Sincerely (with much Rage),
Roxy

P.S. I am really, really sorry about interrupting the small series but every time I tried to write work in Leslie’s suggestion (Hi Leslie!), this argument came to mind. I promise to put the next installment of the Friend Zone up tomorrow.

I would like to add that I know not everyone acts like this. On the other hand, there are just enough people acting like what I described to be completely fucking annoying and to be ruining it for the rest of us.

Labels: everybody's guilty, interruptions to your scheduled entertainment, LIARS

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