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I Love You Because Jesus Is Making Me
Posted April 17th, 2007 by Roxanne Hamm
Dear Roxy,
For the love of God woman, you are not a nun so stop acting like it! Jesus Christ, every time I want to hit something, you have to go use actual logic and emotions and other un-feminist bullshit. Just go after it already! I really don’t care about your insecurities anymore than I care about your damn mind. I don’t care what you do as long as you’re not doing it yourself. Could you please just release all the pent up sexual frustration I’ve been saving? Golly, you’d think someone would have met your silly standards since we’ve moved. Did you really think that you could get some without being just teensy bit less subtle? Grow some ovaries and hit on someone already.
Sincerely,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
Shut. Up.
Please fuck off,
Roxy
…
Dear Roxy,
You have got to be the worst bi-woman in the existence of all that is perverted and good. If you honestly cannot keep a man interested, you suck (in a completely unsatisfactory way) far worse than anything I can imagine. I pray you find someone who brings out the animalistic nature you so desperately try to dismiss from thought. I hope you turn into a nymphomaniac who gets hospitalized for exhaustion. I hope you’re happy with yourself, you evil little bitch. You ruin everything.
Love to, but you won’t let me,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
What do you suggest I do? Start walking around town naked? What about changing my profile picture to one of me in my pretty little underwear? Oh I know, I’ll just pick someone out of the crowd and lead them to my room because there’s no way they could possibly be a rapist. I’ll just practice the art of seduction on every Tom, Dick, and Jane that crosses my path. Let’s not forget making out with strange old men and drunken young women.
Because that would totally make me happy,
Roxy
…
Dear Roxy,
I hate you.
And that really does make me happy,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
I love you because Jesus is making me.
Sincerely,
Roxy
For the love of God woman, you are not a nun so stop acting like it! Jesus Christ, every time I want to hit something, you have to go use actual logic and emotions and other un-feminist bullshit. Just go after it already! I really don’t care about your insecurities anymore than I care about your damn mind. I don’t care what you do as long as you’re not doing it yourself. Could you please just release all the pent up sexual frustration I’ve been saving? Golly, you’d think someone would have met your silly standards since we’ve moved. Did you really think that you could get some without being just teensy bit less subtle? Grow some ovaries and hit on someone already.
Sincerely,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
Shut. Up.
Please fuck off,
Roxy
…
Dear Roxy,
You have got to be the worst bi-woman in the existence of all that is perverted and good. If you honestly cannot keep a man interested, you suck (in a completely unsatisfactory way) far worse than anything I can imagine. I pray you find someone who brings out the animalistic nature you so desperately try to dismiss from thought. I hope you turn into a nymphomaniac who gets hospitalized for exhaustion. I hope you’re happy with yourself, you evil little bitch. You ruin everything.
Love to, but you won’t let me,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
What do you suggest I do? Start walking around town naked? What about changing my profile picture to one of me in my pretty little underwear? Oh I know, I’ll just pick someone out of the crowd and lead them to my room because there’s no way they could possibly be a rapist. I’ll just practice the art of seduction on every Tom, Dick, and Jane that crosses my path. Let’s not forget making out with strange old men and drunken young women.
Because that would totally make me happy,
Roxy
…
Dear Roxy,
I hate you.
And that really does make me happy,
Your Libido
…
Dear Libido,
I love you because Jesus is making me.
Sincerely,
Roxy
Labels: inner conflicts, Lidido takes the stage, unreasonable hatred
8 Comments
Roxy, you are funnier with every one you write. You said it was bad to feed your ego, but I'm hooked now, so i don't see an end in sight anytime soon.
In ten years, when you have a real job at which you are slightly less incompetent, I hope that one of your co-workers doesn't find this blog in some obscure cranny of the internet, because the only logical next move in that instance would be an office-wide chain e-mail comparing your creative "skills" to those of a brain-dead infant.
Honestly, do you just hire a kid with Down's Syndrome to bang on your keyboard?
Just trying to help
p.s. Stop pretending like you are attractive. You're not fooling anyone.
sDFkj bskj; sgkj sdsdkjfdk jxdvkj
That was the Down Syndrome kid I hired to bang on the computer. As you can see, he has a bit of a drier sense of humor than Roxleberry. Sorry I couldn't find a brain-dead infant to compare.
About the attractiveness though, I agree. SHOW YOUR REAL FACE, YOU ROBOT WOMAN. CLEARLY, YOUR PICTURES ARE ALL LIES. LIES.
Yeah I think your writings suck. I've yet to read through one in its entirity.
And yet you still feel compelled waste the time to comment.
you know... with ur own blog on PIC, how hard can it be to get laid, i mean for serious.
if i had the time to write a blog, bitches would be tearing my motherfucking door down, maybe ur profile should just show a pic of your ass (if dimensions are adequate) that probably would help alot
Janoy, I don't think you'll like the next one.
DHA Winner!, I heart you like the lactose intolerant heart ice cream.
-X-, I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!
Anony 1, "I think your face is ugly. I have yet to actually see it." or "I think you smoke crack. I have yet to find the crack pipe." Personally, I think you do not use logic. I have yet to confrim that you are female.
Anony 2, Thank you for wasting time to comment. c:
Martin from BK, I know I'm horribly subtle. It was the fact that my libido is saying "go lay something" and brain is saying "fuck that, let's read books!" Libido is angry because Brain wins.
I love you like Koreans love Virginia Tech engineers. x4
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