A Dress Code to End All Dress Codes

Everyone has their complaints on what is acceptable to wear in public. Some think that Speedos, trucker hats, short-shorts on men, short-shorts on large women, short-shorts on anyone that isn’t a Victoria Secret model really (but then why should they even bother with clothes?), paisley, flannel, and/or big, puffy-sleeved Barbie-inspired dresses should be outlawed. Some think clothes are a form of expression and should be protected like the freedom of speech. Some think that we should all run around naked and yes, they obviously have not thought this opinion through. Most don’t care until they run into a reason for one of these schools of thought.

Here are few guidelines that I think we can agree on.

Purchase clothes that fit.
If you purchase clothes that don’t fit, chances are that many will get a peek at the crack of Don. Too bad not everyone finds Don (or his crack) attractive. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Gender Equalitist; this goes for the Dawn Cameltoes out there too.

Cover the parts that both genders don’t have.
(Chill Nudist, I am merely trying to keep people out of jail, so they can protest “The Man” for another day.) By “cover” I mean that those body parts are left to the imagination. If you don’t know whether or not a certain part should be covered, just pull look into that book that parents buy when they try to explain the difference between boys and girls to questioning children. Make sure you get one that has enough pictures to thoroughly corrupt your ignorance- I mean- innocence. (And since there are enough men with “man-boobies,” going topless is totally okay with both genders. which is the way it should be. as God intended.)

Wear clothes for the occasion.
It’s one thing to purposefully leave your jacket in the car so you have to huddle next to your current fling for warmth. It’s just stupidity in action when you wear high-heels for a hiking trip.

These three little guidelines could make the world, or least school, a less visually suicidal place.

Sincerely,
Roxy

Labels: guidelines, nudity, pointless advice

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