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Jon: Steve works here right?
Frank: Yeah, but how the hell are we going to find him in a supermarket this huge? Wait, Steve's quarter Jew right?
Jon: Yeah.
Frank: So we drop a penny on the ground, wait for 4 times as long as a normal Jew, and Steve will show up.
-On the law of attraction
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Two Truths About the Less Logical Gender
Posted March 20th, 2007 by Roxanne Hamm
Dear Male Population,
I’m about to tell you the truth about women.
You will have to keep quiet as I really shouldn’t be telling you any of you this. In fact, I am risking ostracizing myself from the entire female race by just thinking about it. The only reason I am trying to shed some light on such a difficult subject is because of all the answers and advice Sam gave me over the weekend at a church retreat. Since Sam is happily married and really doesn’t need my help, I thought I’d give back to you, the male reader.
There are two things one should always keep in mind about females; we are constantly competing with each other and we can’t admit to what to really want. These two truths can really help out when dealing with the less logical gender.
Think about it. How many times have you been yelled at for staring at another woman? Have you ever noticed how a girl will just happen to get a little more clingy whenever you are just talking to someone who happens to have and operate a vagina? The answer is simply because she is competing with every girl in the room. It doesn’t matter that looking around is natural; she is keeping score the way she knows best, by male attention. The more male attention equals a higher score. Every time you pay attention to the cute, curvy blonde in the little red dress, she loses points. When you hear a chick complain about how slutty a girl is, at least one of the reasons will be because she is jealous of all the attention the other girl is getting. Of course she won’t admit it.
None of us have an easy time admitting to what really want. A lot of the times, what we really want is bad for us, like a walking STD vendor of sex, fatty foods, or epic drama. It has been my personal experience that whenever I actually admitted I wanted something, something goes wrong. Always. I’m trying my best to be honest with you, really. Honesty usually doesn’t get us any closer to what we really want compared to lying, so why admit? Why out our own feelings and lusts if they just get stepped on and kicked around like so many annoyingly small dogs?
An extra little tip you should know; all women are different. My older sister wants her boyfriend to act how she thinks an adult in serious relationship should act. Whitney wants to marry a plastic surgeon so she can have touch-ups later in life. I (eventually) want to meet a sweet smartass who will argue with me one moment and hand me bagel chips out of the Chex Mix the next. This is the best proof I can offer at this point.
Sincerely,
Roxy
P.S. The bagel chips and the Chex themselves are the best parts of Chex Mix.
I’m about to tell you the truth about women.
You will have to keep quiet as I really shouldn’t be telling you any of you this. In fact, I am risking ostracizing myself from the entire female race by just thinking about it. The only reason I am trying to shed some light on such a difficult subject is because of all the answers and advice Sam gave me over the weekend at a church retreat. Since Sam is happily married and really doesn’t need my help, I thought I’d give back to you, the male reader.
There are two things one should always keep in mind about females; we are constantly competing with each other and we can’t admit to what to really want. These two truths can really help out when dealing with the less logical gender.
Think about it. How many times have you been yelled at for staring at another woman? Have you ever noticed how a girl will just happen to get a little more clingy whenever you are just talking to someone who happens to have and operate a vagina? The answer is simply because she is competing with every girl in the room. It doesn’t matter that looking around is natural; she is keeping score the way she knows best, by male attention. The more male attention equals a higher score. Every time you pay attention to the cute, curvy blonde in the little red dress, she loses points. When you hear a chick complain about how slutty a girl is, at least one of the reasons will be because she is jealous of all the attention the other girl is getting. Of course she won’t admit it.
None of us have an easy time admitting to what really want. A lot of the times, what we really want is bad for us, like a walking STD vendor of sex, fatty foods, or epic drama. It has been my personal experience that whenever I actually admitted I wanted something, something goes wrong. Always. I’m trying my best to be honest with you, really. Honesty usually doesn’t get us any closer to what we really want compared to lying, so why admit? Why out our own feelings and lusts if they just get stepped on and kicked around like so many annoyingly small dogs?
An extra little tip you should know; all women are different. My older sister wants her boyfriend to act how she thinks an adult in serious relationship should act. Whitney wants to marry a plastic surgeon so she can have touch-ups later in life. I (eventually) want to meet a sweet smartass who will argue with me one moment and hand me bagel chips out of the Chex Mix the next. This is the best proof I can offer at this point.
Sincerely,
Roxy
P.S. The bagel chips and the Chex themselves are the best parts of Chex Mix.
11 Comments
this one i totally agree with. mostly the part where once a girl admits she wants something it always backfires. story of my life.
Hm, you know when you first got here I thought I would fucking hate you, but now your starting to grow on me. Fuck I'm getting soft.
Roxy, you seem to be the most amazing girl ever. It would be a pleasure to argue with you and give you the bagel chips from the chex mix any day.
Anony, doesn't always? I can not name one time where it didn't back fire.
GranpappyDuplenty, you have an awesome name. I'm glad I'm starting to grow on you. I won't tell anyone you're turning into a softie.
Janoy, awe, thanks! I feel so loved!
What does it mean when a chick complains about how arrogant another chick is?
That's easy -X-. Chick A (for arrogant) either has a really high score so can brag about it, or doesn't give a shit about scores to begin with. Chick B (for bitchin') is jealous of Chick A or hoping to bring Chick A down a few notches. She'll probably say it's because she didn't want to help Chick A or some bs like that, but that simply is not true.
Maybe I should I drop the blog and start doling out advice to men about women. I'd probably make more money that way.
so are you bi? You should hook up with a guy who makes bagels and a fat chick who works at the chex mix factory, to keep you sexed up and fed. fat people love chex mix
Can it be a new rule that somebody has to ask about your bisexuality every post? Or better yet, you could change your heading to: I'm bisexual Roxanne Hamm, and I (bisexual)write bisexual letters(ish) to /about different concepts, including bis...
On a more serious note: Isn't it merely a sign of immaturity when women aren't able to admit what they really want? It seems to me that if it always backfires, you might have a timing problem. Because unless you're really really lucky or they're psychic, nobody's going to know what you want unless you let them know.
Spanky, that wouldn't be such a bad idea if I was into polygamy.
-X-, just because you let someone know, doesn't mean they'll actually help you get what you want. I must have the biggest timing problem on this side of the asteroid belt, but I think it's little bit more than that.
I just mean that, if you're dealing with a reasonably mature person, letting them know what you want greatly increases your odds of getting it. There's no magic panacea to getting your every little desire, but expecting people to just intuit them seems counterproductive.
People just need to tell everyone exactly what they want all the time. No matter what.. imagine a world where everyone said exactly what was on there mind, and help absolutely nothing back. Like my big brother once told me, "Just go with it".. or was that line from a porno... crap...
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