College Quotes

Thousands of dumb, funny, and amusing college quotes submitted daily by students everywhere and immortalized in one place for greater shame and reflection.

Professor: I didn't know England was an island until I was 28 and in Belgium and my friends told me we had to take a ferry to get to London.
Student: Congratulations, you learned continental geography the hard way.
-During international business class

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Justin: There are just some things that are no-win situations...
JR: Yeah, like telling your girlfriend, "You look lovely, dear."
Justin: Exactly! And an hour later she'll get angry at you for not telling her she was hideous.
JR: And all you really wanted to say in the first place was, "You look relatively good today dear, I mean even 3's have days when they look like 5's!"
Tim: Wow, just wow... I'm going to call my ex just to tell her that.
-On losing propositions

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

"You know that black people are allowed to sit at the front of the bus these days."
-Drunk guy to a black guy, overheard on a late night campus bus

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

"Did you see 300?"
-Colin's roommate, after he met a girl on the floor who said she was Persian

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Kevin: Would you fuck a girl with no legs?
Ryan: In a heartbeat.
Britt: What about a girl with no arms and no legs?
Ryan: It depends on what she looks like.
Kevin: A pillow!

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Random drunk guy: Hey, this is the best chocolate in the world!
Kathy: Really?
Random drunk guy: Yes!!! Take some! (Grabs 6 bars) Here’s one for you, one for your family, one for your friends, one for your roommate, one for your acquaintances, and one for ME!!!
Drunk guy’s friend: Dude, leave the girl alone.
Random drunk guy: Shhhh…I’m workin’ it.
-During an adventure in Walgreens

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
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