College Quotes

"Keep you and your nerd squad on the other side of the street!"
-Zack, keeping the peace during a house party

Caitlin: Hey, whatcha doin'?
Megan: Just stalking people on Facebook, working on my third glass of wine. You know, the usual.
Caitlin: What?! You're drinking without me? BRB.
-Monday, 7:30pm

B: You know what?
J: What?
B: I'm sick of being drunk!!
J: Okay.
B: I'm gonna be sober now.... 1...2...sober!!!
-On simple misunderstandings

Student: But professor, how will we know when we hit the climax?
Professor: Just watch my facial expression.
-Questionable student-teacher relations in Symphony

Random Girl: I wouldn't go into nursing because I couldn't stand the blood.
Mark: The blood; the boogers; the poop; that isn't the worst part of being a nurse.
Will: Yeah, the worst part is being everyone's bitch.
-On "shit" jobs

Joel: I'd rather have my dick up there than Sarah Palin, and my dick makes some bad decisions.
Lauren: Your balls can be his cabinet!
Boze: And they can have a COCK-us!
-Genitals are always on the lookout for new positions

Coury: Oh, okay, that killing scene with the mafia was depicting the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.
Anna: What?
Coury: You know, the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.
Anna: What happened?
Coury: They lined up a bunch of people against a wall and machine gunned the hell out of them.
Anna: ... just because it was Saint Valentine's Day?!
Coury: NO, because they were in the MAFIA!
-Anna, on uncommon sense

"Its like a Jackson Pollock painting!"
-Renfro, on some nasty ass sheets desperately in need of washing

Steve: Where the hell have you been!? You missed Biology.
Kevin: I was coming out of History and the girl in front of me smelled like cotton candy, so I followed her around for a while.
Steve: Oooh. Was it pink cotton candy or blue cotton candy?
Kevin: I'm pretty sure it was pink, maybe a hint of blue.
Steve: Nice. Pink cotton candy is my favourite, but so is blue.
Sarah: The fact that I stood here and listened to that whole conversation makes my head hurt.
-On sweet distractions

Kirsty: What should I call my essay?
Eason: Putting the "oral" in HistORALical.
-Obviously not an English major

Ali: Wow, the weight of hell I felt thrust upon my back just now...
Jes: No, that's just a cock.
Ali: A huge terrorist cock...
Jes: THE COCK OF JUSTICE!
Ali: Ramming into me like a plane to a tower...
Jes: Dribbling cum like jet fuel all down your spine...
Ali: Until I explode and collapse in an utterly destroyed heap.
-Different strokes for different folks

Dan: Why aren't you playing any music?
Lindsey: Why aren't you getting dressed?
Dan: Why aren't you sucking my cock?
-Running late for class

A'Lyse: (asleep) Ow stop it, stop it!
Zac: Hey what's wrong, are you having a nightmare?!
A'Lyse: (still asleep) No, there is a taco in my butt.
-Well if she already thinks there's something in there...

Lulu's Grandma: I do like Obama! He is elegant and handsome! You see? Sometimes being prejudice is a good thing.
Lulu: But you can't just base your opinions on your prejudices!
Lulu's Grandma: I don't! I base them on my horoscopes!!
-Caution: Old generation at work

Sarah: WHY COULDNT I HAVE BEEN A GUY!?
Mandy: Because guys have cooties.
Sarah: True, but they sure are fun to makeout with!
Mandy: Ewww now YOU have cooties!
Sarah: Well what do you get when you have sex with them?
Mandy: ...STDs or babies.
-Lemme lemme upgrade ya