Friday, February 22

"Oh, Aaron... Oh, Aaron... *farts* ...You stink, Aaron."
-Andrea, talking in her sleep
Fairleigh Dickinson University

"So, the boys steal a car with a red leather interior. People do things for red. When a woman wants to be sexy, red always works...especially if she smells like leather."
-Professor H, on the art of robbery and seduction
Southern Methodist University

"Okay so let's take suicide bombers for instance.... Your religion promises you 72 virgins, and if you're lucky they're women. Then think about it... that's all you're going to do for eternity, constantly have sex, which you have admit would get boring after a while. And then what are you supposed to do... talk to them?"
-Professor Dave, exposing the true problem with religion
Regis University

"Excuse me you... you... take your clothes off so I can take a picture of you."
-Cassie, during a beer pong tournament at the apartment
University of Illinois

Andrea: I can't believe you are eating that radioactive-yellow pudding? What does that even taste like?
Erika: Nuclear.
-On strong tastes
Fairleigh Dickinson University

Leeny: Oh my God, did you see the $1,288 gold-plated massager?
Molly: ...What?
Leeny: Why would you gold plate a vibrator? And that's the sale price. Originally it was $1500.
Molly: If you're paying multiples, you'd better get them, too.
Leeny: Exactly.
-All that shivers is gold
Seattle University

Stuyvie: I have 3 girlfriends, one for every day of the week
Claire: Stuyvie you do realize there are 7 days in a week right?
Stuyvie: Yeah... wait... oh.
Claire: Man it's a good thing you're pretty.
-The truth comes out
Regis University

James: Do you remember when you tried teaching me how to curse?
Alexis: Yeah and I still curse like a sailor...
James: Hey, I was in the Navy.
Alexis: Now I can say I taught a sailor how to curse!
-On the chicken and the egg
University of North Texas