About Points in Case
At a Glance
PIC is the largest online college publication, featuring original comedy articles, columns, blogs, and funny college quotes daily. But the ladies tell us it's not the size that matters, it's how well we tickle the funny bone. So please forgive us for trying to make you laugh at all costs.
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College Parody Resume
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Parody Resume So you've polished your resume 'til it's perfect, right? "Yes! Perfect bullshit!"
Wouldn't it be great if you could just turn in the most brutally honest version of yourself and your "duties and accomplishments" and still get a
Note to potential employers: |
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Court Sullivan Current Address: court@pointsincase.com Emory University Atlanta, GA 30322 Phone #: Don’t bother, I’m sleeping EDUCATION Emory University Atlanta, GA Bachelor for Women in Economics and History, May 2003 Extremely Adjusted GPA: 3.5/4.0 (excludes unimportant classes I did poorly in) Generic Honors: Freshman Honor Society (top 50% of class) Phi Lambda Ralpha Historica Economica National Honor Society Activities: Beta Theta Pi Fraternity – Beer pong captain Intramural tennis – doubles consolation fourth place EXPERIMENTS Student Government Office Atlanta, GA Student Worker October 2001 – Present · Finish homework, catch up on class readings · Surf the Internet, check email, and occasionally awaken to office phone calls Points in Case – College Humor Atlanta, GA Author/Webmaster October 1999 – Present · Analyze alcoholic trends, hookup patterns, and party habits of college students · Use extremely foul language repeatedly merely to appear unprofessional U.S. Army Weaponry Information Center Redstone Arsenal, AL Office Automation Clerk Summer 2001 · Attempted to mail stack of 50 envelopes for over four weeks · Created elaborate desk setup to block sunlight from computer screen · Utilized extra supplies and computer equipment around office for personal home use Emory READ Atlanta, GA Personal Tutor Fall 2000 – Spring 2001 · Played checkers with student who refused to read · Gained greater self-confidence by comparing abilities to third graders Camelot Tennis Camp Huntsville, AL Tennis Instructor Summer 2000 · Developed beginner ball-bouncing class while 7-year-olds played guitar with rackets · Advanced students from near incapability to complete frustration Prince Law Firm Huntsville, AL Office Assistant/Courthouse Runner Summer 1999 · Ran to the courthouse and back…and then back again…and again and again · Ensured timely delivery of snacks and drinks for office employees ATTEMPTED LEADERSHIP Interfraternity Council Atlanta, GA Scholarship Chair Spring 2001 – Present · Planned and organized campus-wide “Stay in School, Don’t Be a Fool” initiative · Held over 65 successful study breaks including pizza, wings, uhh…wings, pizza…mmmmm… Showmanship and Magic Club Atlanta, GA Vice President Fall 1999 – Spring 2001 · Helped prevent club from straying toward alternate “S&M” interpretations · Shutup bitch! I want you to hire me and treat me like a very naughty intern! SKILLS Microsoft [insert any program here], constructive procrastination, overdrawing on account balances, working knowledge of VISA/Mastercard/Discover/ CapitalOne/Free T-Shirts |
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