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Continued from Episode 1
The Leaning Tower of 18th A
Anyone who ever saw 846 from a distance could notice that the whole
house appeared to be sinking into the ground diagonally. It kind of
looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa only a lot shittier. As you
walked into the house it became even more apparent—the floors were
actually slanted and the foundation was sinking more
 and
more into the ground with each passing month. If you dropped a
marble in the kitchen, chances are it would roll from one side of
the kitchen to the other unaided, kind of like one of those broken,
old-school labyrinths.
The Neapolitan House
When people wanted directions to the house I would always tell them
to look for the Neapolitan house. That's because
the outside of the house was wrapped in really cheap fake brick
that was nothing more than really thick sandpaper. The fake bricks
came in three alternating colors: pink, brown, and white. Or
flavors: strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla depending on who you
asked (i.e. the bums).
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"I woke up the next morning hungover as hell to see my roommate
staring at a pair of freshly drawn breasts painted on our white
walls in peanut butter." |
The Rats
One evening after a study session
at the library, I came back to the house and was watching some late
night TV and drinking a gin and tonic. Out of the corner of my eye I
saw what appeared to be a huge rat run out of our kitchen and under
a couch near me. I acted quickly and did what most in that situation
would do: screamed like a 12-year-old girl at the top of my lungs,
jumped on top of the coffee table and proceeded to do a little
dance.
My roommates came downstairs and
began laughing hysterically, until they saw a huge rat hanging out
in our house, at which point there was a dance party on the coffee
table. The next few weeks we chased the rats around with a BB gun
but were unsuccessful killing any. This is because, as we soon found
out, they had dug an extensive set of tunnels and escape routes
throughout the house. It was kind of scary at first, but then it was
cool. I mean, hey, we had pets. We'd give them names, make them
little outfits and party hats and leave them snacks on the coffee
table. That is, until 3 or 4 months later when the landlord finally
called an exterminator.
The Peanut Butter
Boobs
During a keg party at our house one Saturday last October, an
unidentified person went into our cupboard and took out a jar of
peanut butter and drew a pair of, "peanut butter boobs"
 on
our wall. I woke up the next morning hungover as hell to see my
roommate staring at a pair of freshly drawn breasts painted on our
white walls in peanut butter. Most people would clean them off the
wall—we just laughed. I was just at 846 last weekend, more than a
year later, and they are still prominently displayed, permanently
dried to the wall. Most people would call that very gross. We called
it abstract party art.
Beer and Flouring
After inflicting considerably excessive damage upon our house during
parties, we decided it was time to punish anyone caught acting
inappropriately. We sat down and brainstormed different forms of
punishment and invented the act of Beer and Flouring. Similar to the
medieval act of Tar and Feathering, we choose to inflict this on
people who were fucking with our treasured house.
 Fast
forward to a party a couple months later. We find a freshman pissing
on the floor in the corner of our kitchen. Immediately he was
forcibly removed from the house and held down as he was drenched
with three pitchers of beer and then thoroughly covered in about a
pound of flour. Needless to say once the word got around about our
policy, people stopped fucking around at our house.
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