Michael Sisto personally knows someone named Russel Watkins at University of San Francisco who's better known as Russell the Love Muscle because he's the sleaziest sleaze of the seven seas.

Michael Sisto once met a person named Andres Biedrins at University of San Francisco who's better known as The Latvian Legislature because he's very Latvian and he legislates in the paint on the basketball court.

Michael Sisto personally knows someone named Steve Milkwater at University of San Francisco who's better known as Slip It In Steve because he accidentally had sex with Elizabeth Terwiliger while she was passed out on the couch at Ashley Serna's house party.

Tatyana personally knows someone named Ryan at University of Chicago who's better known as Hicks because there were originally two Ryans in our group of friends. One day in 10th grade, Ryan Bernard (aka "Hicks") came to school with several hickies on his neck and other parts of his body. We began referring to his as "The Hicks" but shortened it to just "Hicks" because we are quite lazy.

Mattay Brittacy has a boyfriend named Alex at New Jersey City University who's better known as Ass-lix because he's an ass and he had the dirtiest mouth and is just the worse person to be in public with. I caught him hocking a lugey on the floor one day!

Adrienne Sloane-Brooks personally knows someone named Adrienne Sloane-Brooks at University of Missouri - St. Louis who's better known as Slow-Anne because a friend in 10th grade confused the pronouncing of my last name, Sloane (Slow-own) with Slow-Anne. He also teased that I had a younger, more attractive and more intelligent younger sister also named Anne. When she was born, my parents realized that I am the slow Anne so they named me Slow-Anne so I'm not confused with my younger, more attractive sister. This is slightly irrelevant however because Sloane is a surname, an extension of the name Brooks. Unfortunately, ever since then most of my friends occasionally refer to me as Slow-Anne, Slowmo, Solo Slowmo, So Slow, etc.

Adrienne Sloane-Brooks personally knows someone named Robert Daughtry at University of Missouri - St. Louis who's better known as Tannn because he is currently our only African American friend. A friend of mine who is neither racially conscious, nor does he care, nicknamed him Tannn. TANNN is actually an acronym for "Token Ass Nigga Nigga Nigga." I do not endorse this nickname, however Rob now also refers to him as Tannn.

Katlin personally knows someone named Tiffany at University of North Dakota who's better known as Twat Waffle because she plays rugby, and on rugby trips all rookies must drink. She drank more than half the veterans there and proceeded to listen to Dane Cook's "The Nothing Fight" and for the next few hours. All that came out of her mouth was "twat" this and "twat" that and all other girls were "fake firecrotch twats." Guess it didn't help that she was "adventurous" in her sexuality either.

David personally knows someone named David at Other who's better known as Bonbie because when he was a kid he was known as Bones because he was quite skinny. After he became an adult, someone (not exactly sure who) kinda changed it over to Bonbie (pronounced "bone-bee"). It caught on with close friends and family.

Fairy Big Chip has a friend who knows a person named Gary W. at Other who's better known as Flyspray because he had a premature ejaculation problem every time he brushed up against a girl.

Dan personally knows someone named Kaitlyn at University of Minnesota - Twin Cities who's better known as The Cum Receptacle because the chick has enough white salmon in her to fill the Grand Canyon... TWICE.

Polly Jameson personally knows someone named Jeanna at California State University - Channel Islands who's better known as Gina (as in va-GINA) because her friends can't spell for shit and think that every movie Judd Apatow makes is cinema magic. They continue to call her Gina phonetically regardless of the fact that her name doesn't even have an "i" in it. Any attempts to introduce her as otherwise are met with "Don't listen to her, her name is Gina."

Emily Garringer personally knows someone named Garrison at Iowa State University who's better known as Titty Fuck because one night at the bar, she was walking around with her huge tits and Darin (a co-worker) walked up to her and said, "I would titty fuck the shit out of those!" Just as he finished that sentence, Cody (gay co-worker), walked up and said, "Hell yeah, I would too!" with his boyfriend standing right behind him. Thus, she became "Titty Fuck"!

Wayne Rogers has a friend who knows a person named Mitch at Utica College who's better known as Slice because he regularly wears outfits that would make Elton John and Fonzie both jealous. He's also fairly open about his sexual orientation towards his close friends. He was given the nickname "Slice," after a popular non-carbonated beverage available on campus that was advertised as "Contains 10% Real Fruit Juice."

Trent personally knows someone named Erin Tatum at Other who's better known as Pledge Slayer Level 70 because in the course of the first half of fall semester, she successfully slayed the majority of the pledge class of '07. Only two were spared the horror their pledge brothers endured.