tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134742022008-05-16T10:19:29.675-04:00Eric the developerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17478436856697946100noreply@blogger.comBlogger760125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-42748052599861901652008-05-15T16:42:00.000-04:002008-05-15T16:47:28.201-04:00

Honestly, there’s nothing left. That’s the cool thing about a breakup. Everything starts with emotions and confusion, nothing gets expressed properly, people blow up at each other, threats are made, furniture is broken, unnecessary insults are hurled, drunken phone calls are made and in the end, you (if you’re me) crawl into a bottle of liquor for a few days and you don’t come out. And then

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-92188341345859347942008-05-14T20:16:00.001-04:002008-05-14T20:17:44.608-04:00

http://theinvestorscoroner.blogspot.com/ If you like the investing stuff or just want to read more of me, click the link above. Feedback is always welcome as new projects are often tricky. Thanks

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-7749792192655132072008-05-14T12:23:00.002-04:002008-05-14T12:26:10.869-04:00

Me: Hey do you think you can help me move? Scott: No. Me: I won’t need much help. Scott: Where you moving to? Me: Next door. Scott: You know, that move probably won’t provide much of a change of scenery. Me: I don’t know dude. Sometimes there’s a whole new world next door. Scott: Have you been huffing paint? Ty: Why’d you and your girl break up? Me: I’m tired of talking about it.

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-89962978646740803992008-05-13T12:06:00.004-04:002008-05-13T14:01:40.422-04:00

Okay, I’m not one of those assholes who thinks that everyone from the northeastern United States is a prick. I’m well traveled enough to know that pricks tend to be everywhere and that their regional affiliations really only show up in accents and jargon. But this weekend, I met some stereotypical yankee douchebags. Before we begin, I must qualify this. I have no problem with yankees as a whole.

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-19919654942740361132008-05-12T13:41:00.001-04:002008-05-12T13:43:57.727-04:00

Love and money do not belong together. I mean that. Zits seem more like a skin disease when they’re on your shoulders instead of your face. Drinking alcohol with fruit juice and working out while hungover for an extended period of time will eventually frustrate your body to the point where you’re not sure if you’re healthy or unhealthy. I mean, when you’re tan and toned, how could anything be

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-7166086102432030182008-05-11T12:12:00.004-04:002008-05-11T12:26:49.531-04:00

My mom loves telling embarrassing stories about me. I mean she really enjoys it. One of her favorite baby pictures of me was taken with me kissing my little brother on the cheek (I think we were like three and two respectively at the time) in an effort to help him get over his since resolved fear of large flash bulbs. You can imagine how embarrassed I would get when Mom would show that picture to

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-63391799254061172432008-05-09T13:32:00.007-04:002008-05-09T20:10:51.930-04:00

o f f c e n t e r i s ha a Welcome back to The Investor’s Coroner, your weekly attempt to make both sense and fun of the current global markets and inform you of the happenings in the international marketplace while simultaneously dropping in jokes from the free throw line of life. It is a goal of The Investor’s Coroner to help you understand just what’s going on in this here economy. Or,

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-24160246164102908862008-05-08T13:57:00.003-04:002008-05-09T14:28:08.912-04:00

During one half year of my life, I volunteered to help latchkey kids learn to read at a local church for a program called Kids' Place. The program, invented by my minister mother and run by wide-eyed college students with dreams of changing the world one person at a time, does a great job teaching children how to interact, how to be better at school and how not to fall into the pit of desperation

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-72866132347999075612008-05-07T15:33:00.001-04:002008-05-07T15:35:37.466-04:00

Dave: So how you handling the breakup? Me: I’m good. Gets easier every day and all that. Dave: Yeah, you’ll bounce back. It’s not like you have all that many feelings. Me: I do have some. Dave: Yeah, but you sound like you just found that out. Me: You’re… you’re probably right. Jamie: You look good. Me: Yeah, I’ve got no car so I’ve been walking a lot lately, getting some sun and

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-65192775912843415392008-05-06T17:23:00.002-04:002008-05-06T17:26:31.572-04:00

It's not every day you get fan mail like this. And I figured I'd share. As you by now are well aware of, you are fortunate enough not to have your head shoved up your ass. I'd put that in the win column, but you don't seem like the type of person who likes to be told what to do, so do with it what you will. You seem to view the world quite rationally and logically, and for this you will be

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-56449617169348088082008-05-06T11:18:00.001-04:002008-05-06T13:29:43.994-04:00

I share the belief of many of my contemporaries that the spiritual crisis pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only by a change in our world view. We shall have to shift from the materialistic, dualistic belief that people and their environment are separate, toward a new consciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the experiencing ego, a reality in

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-75461566529943215342008-05-05T12:32:00.001-04:002008-05-05T12:34:16.231-04:00

When your lawyer calls you at work and says, “Hey Pal, I sure hope you’re making a lot of money,” well that’s what those in the flag industry call the “Barn Red Special.” Since being dumped, I’ve stepped up my workouts, tightened my diet and am trying to get more sun. It’s almost as if my response to being dropped is: “Oh yeah, well I’m gonna make myself so hot you’ll be sorry.” But really, how

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-30502882361705784712008-05-02T12:22:00.004-04:002008-05-02T12:31:31.206-04:00

I try to read the Coroner but it’s like… it’s so depressing. Aaaaa—Xavier Holland Welcome back to The Investor’s Coroner, your weekly attempt to make both sense and fun of the current global markets and inform you of the happenings in the international marketplace while simultaneously making with the funny. It is a goal of The Investor’s Coroner to help you understand just what’s going on in

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-8653377754423557792008-05-01T10:16:00.001-04:002008-05-01T10:19:27.391-04:00

Lila broke up with me through a phone call. When I was fifteen I broke up with a chick on her answering machine so I guess I had it coming. I know some people who’ve broken up via text messaging. And I think that’s awesome. A lot of people will tell you that breakups should happen face to face but I don’t think so. Face to face breakups are too emotional, too much like real life. And real

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-24066522029683122272008-04-30T14:59:00.003-04:002008-04-30T23:23:42.371-04:00

Jake: What do you think about this Jeremiah Wright business? Me: I think I’m surprised you’re following politics. Jake: I got a girlfriend. Me: I once ate a ninety ounce steak—what the hell are we talking about anyway? Jake: My girl’s into politics so I have to act like I am. Me: Why do you have to act like you’re something you're not? Jake: Because, quite frankly my young paduan, she is out of

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-75604885258457128462008-04-29T18:30:00.000-04:002008-04-29T18:31:06.449-04:00

Lit rhythms chide the embrace of my day As the hang gliding heat beats my pavement feet. Never could care to ease the sojourner’s way, Only had me a little of something to say. Sweat from my brow, hot like a sting Drips slowly down and dies on the street. Don’t feel like singing—got too many songs, Only got me a yearning that moves me along. Strip malls like ugly tombs stain my earth womb As

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-12198290305506309612008-04-28T12:07:00.003-04:002008-04-28T12:25:06.452-04:00

Sorry I bailed on the Investor’s Coroner last week. It’s just that Friday I was drunk and Saturday I never got the opportunity because my bedroom was occupied by someone who needed sleep and Sunday I was watching the Cards game and studying financial papers at the same time when I said to myself, “Baseball and the stock market do not belong together.” So I quit thinking and popped a beer and by

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-47618037251843454692008-04-24T18:38:00.002-04:002008-04-24T18:41:16.062-04:00

According to Alexa and Fearless Editor “That Bitch better not be ovulating” Court “Big Fatty Pun” Sullivan, I am the number one writer on the 72,388th most popular site on the web. And with that kind of power, thankfully, comes no responsibility. God bless this place. An acquaintance of mine who took a few writing classes with me back in college, recently and out of fucking nowhere, googled my

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-28965304976967638702008-04-23T16:52:00.004-04:002008-04-23T16:56:16.353-04:00

Lila: You’re drunk. Me: How can you tell? Kris: She’s met you before. Lila: I can tell when you’re drunk by your eyes. Kris: I can tell when you’re drunk by your presence. Me: Kris, you’re not helping. Me: Do you think Falls Liquor will have ice? Lila: I’m sure they will. They’re a liquor store. Me: Well, as long as you’re sure. Me: Do you have bags of ice? Mike the Liquor Store Guy: Of course

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-56778110322533669772008-04-22T15:50:00.004-04:002008-04-22T16:12:39.456-04:00

Hey humans. What’s up? It’s me, Planet Earth. Yeah well I just wanted to thank you for setting up a day in my honor so a chunk of me crawled into this internet hack’s ear while he was sleeping (read: passed out) after spending an evening playing pool in a smoky pool hall. I didn’t really want to use this guy but using print media just wouldn’t look too good on Earth Day and most of the popular

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-4545495715095370632008-04-21T15:31:00.002-04:002008-04-21T15:34:21.183-04:00

I received an email from a guy in India recently. It was pretty cool. Anyway, he told me that marijuana sells for about a dollar or two a quarter ounce over there. Now, if you have a passport and bags of weed are your bag, well then, that’s a good vacation spot for you, huh? I got to thinking about the future of globalization, of the economy, of technology and of humanity in general and I

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-47056975504883203922008-04-18T13:46:00.006-04:002008-04-18T15:32:25.380-04:00

Me: So what do you think of the Investor’s Coroner? Is it working for you? Kev: I love it. Some of the kids might not get it but I think it’s great. I even emailed it to my Dad. He was a financial advisor for a long time. Me: Did he like it? Kev: Yeah, he did. Although he did say that he’s never read any investment writing that used the word fuck before. Me: That’s what separates me from the pack

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-37559792294637795082008-04-17T17:02:00.008-04:002008-04-17T17:47:38.095-04:00

Ok, I'm writing about my girlfriend a little. She hasn't been upset with any piece I've done so far (since the first time, anyway). So I think I know where the line is. Now, my girl is awesome. She really and truly cares about me and she wants to help me in my life without really changing me. I think that's great. You know what else I think is great? Baseball. More specifically: St. Louis

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-85406364295813370652008-04-16T17:21:00.000-04:002008-04-16T17:23:47.060-04:00

Random Guy Sitting Next to me at the Bar: You get the idea? Me: We weren’t talking. RGSNB: Who was I talking to, then? Me: I don’t know. RGSNB: You’re not much help. RGSNB: Hey man, you want to hear the idea? Me: What’s your name? RGSNB: My name. My name? Why you wanta know my name? Me: I don’t trust a man who can’t tell me his name. RGSNB: You see I’m smiling? Me: Yeah. RGSNB: That’s ‘cause I

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13474202.post-19162503710926028552008-04-15T19:01:00.009-04:002008-04-15T19:26:23.944-04:00

o f f c e n t e r In case you missed it, the New York Yankees, a rich and storied franchise, learned that there was a Red Sox T-shirt in the cement foundation under the visitor's dugout of their stadium. Naturally, they spent $50,000 digging it up and replacing the huge divot(s). I'm a sports nut and even I think that is straight up, overblown stupidity. How in the hell, in this

Nathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067400031883519292noreply@blogger.com