The Snippets Have no Excuse

Me: This is Nathan.
Brad: Nate dog. What is up?
Me: Brad, how's life in St. Louis?
Brad: It's cold and blizzardy and wintery and frosty with a touch of shivery.
Me: That sounds horrible.
Brad: Yeah. That's why I'm in Tampa. What you doing tonight?

Frank: You play poker?
Dave: Does a pope shit on a bear?
Frank: No.
Dave: Do chickens roost where they fry?
Frank: Huh?

Frank: Hey, I'm bringing back poker night.
Me: That's very nice of you. I miss poking her.
Frank: You're the third dude to use that joke tonight.
Me: Fuck, and I thought I was funny.
Frank: There's always the mirror.

Frank: So anyway, you gonna play on Fridays?
Me: Probably not. I've been losing my money the old fashion way lately.
Frank: Stock market?
Me: Girlfriend.
Frank: Ah.

Jake: Where the fuck you been?
Me: Dude, I got umpiring, I'm slammed at work, I got the girlfriend? life is busy.
Jake: Not for me.
Me: Why not?
Jake: Because dude, I got the unemployment, I stay with my parents, I got the Play Station? life is lazy.
Me: Fair enough.

Coach Carter: Hey Nate, what's new in the world?
Me: The government pulled the caps off Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Their stocks went up ten percent. Oh, and the dollar reached an all time low.
Coach Carter: Next time, just say 'not much' or something. I wasn't asking so much as just saying hello.
Me: Then just say hello.
Coach Carter: Good to have you back, Blue.

Me: Great, he finally did it.
Dave: Did what?
Me: I was late with the snippets again so Haggard wrote that I was dead.
Dave: Now that's a topic I can get behind.
Me: I don't like you. Not in the slightest.
Dave: And I don't really care. Not in the slightest.

Labels: snippets

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