The Snippets Won't Write About That

Ryan: So anyway, I purchased tickets for Game 5 because I was hoping we could clinch it then, but when Game 4 was rained out, they honored Game 5 tickets for the Game 4 make-up, which pissed me off because I wanted to see Game 5. So I got on the internet and only had a few hours to actually trade tickets and ended up about thirty rows further back as a result. What a scam. You should write about that.
Me: Write about what?
Ryan: The scam. How people who wanted to see the clincher got screwed.
Me: No offense dude, but no one wants to hear about some middle class, 28 year old white dude who was mildly inconvenienced by rain.
Ryan: Oh yeah, well I think they would like to hear about it. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna start my own blog and expose this huge scam for what it is.
Me: More power to you.
Ryan: You think you would link to my new blog?
Me: No.

Jaime: You should write about this party.
Me: Why?
Jaime: I don't know, it's like, Halloween parties? I mean, isn't that an interesting topic?
Me: What's interesting about it?
Jaime: Well, almost all the girls are half naked.
Me: True.

Luanne: So, you write for a website? What do you write about?
Me: I try to be funny.
Luanne: Have you written about your pet lizard yet?
Me: Nope.
Luanne: You should. That's pretty funny.
Me: Thanks for the advice.
Luanne: No problem.

JT: Dude, you wrote about my socks.
Me: Yeah.
JT: You should have written about my Sutter jersey.
Me: Why?
JT: Because of the history.
Me: But the socks were funnier.
JT: I don't see why that would matter.
Me: I write for a humor website, you fucking tool.
JT: Bite me.

Dave: So I've been going to that site you write for and I was going through the snippets archive and I realized something.
Me: What's that?
Dave: You're not funny. You just hang out with funny people. I think you should write about that so your audience knows the truth.
Me: What do you give a fuck?
Dave: I'm just looking out for the masses. I'm that kind of guy.
Me: By "that kind of guy", do you mean "asshole"? 'Cause that's how I think of you.
Dave: See what I mean? That wasn't funny at all.

Steve: How come you never write about USF games?
Me: Not enough people care.
Steve: I think you should write about USF games. Almost no one does.
Me: Because not enough people care.
Steve: But you could make them care.
Me: I think you're overestimating my reach.
Steve: I think you should write about USF games.
Me: Noted.
Steve: So you'll do it?
Me: Shut the fuck up, already.

Ashley: You need a girlfriend.
Me: Why?
Ashley: The blog is more interesting when you have one.
Me: Fucking spare me.

Labels: snippets

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