Phoning the Snippets

Main: What you doing out this late? Ain’t you supposed to be snuggling in bed with your little lady?
Me: Snuggling with my little lady? What the hell does that mean?
Main: You know? Sleeping with your bitch.
Me: Oh, I got you.

Me: So what do you do?
Mike: I work in a flag store.
Me: A what?
Mike: A store that sells flags.
Me: Like what kind of flags?
Mike: Every kind.
Me: Every kind? So, if I wanted like a little small flag for my car—
Mike: We got ‘em.
Me: What if I wanted a big huge flag like, one hundred feet across?
Mike: We got those too?
Me: So, you got like every country and every sports team?
Mike: Pretty much.
Me: What if I wanted a flag of Zimbabwe?
Mike: Do you want a flag?
Me: Of course not.
Mike: ‘Cause you sound like you want a flag.
Me: I’m good.
Mike: ‘Cause I have flags if you need ‘em. Seriously. All kinds.
Me: Thanks, Mike. I’m good.
Mike: Okay, well if you change your mind—
Me: I’m calling you, Flag Boy.

Chris: So, what brings you around?
Me: Just felt like coming out.
Chris: Where’s your woman?
Me: I don’t know. She lost her phone.
Chris: You’re not supposed to smile ear to ear when you say shit like that.
Me: Says who?

Mike: You should make a joke about Nate’s penis on the site.
Amy: No, I would never do that.
Mike: Why not? It would be funny.
Amy: It may be, but I can’t do that. You see, when you’re a girl, you gotta love the penis, you want the penis to be happy so it can make you happy. And mocking the penis doesn’t accomplish that.
Mike: How old are you?

Wild: Dude, it’s almost eleven. Where’s your girl at?
Me: Don’t know.
Wild: Did you tell her you were coming up here?
Me: No way to tell her. She lost her phone.
Wild: What about email?
Me: Didn’t check it.
Wild: Why not?
Me: What do you give a fuck?
Wild: I don’t. I’m just saying, if it was my girl, I’d want to know where she is. That’s all.
Me: Yeah well, I’m kind of enjoying the freedom.
Wild: Hey, if you ever miss paying for someone else’s beer, I’m here for you.
Me: Thanks, Wild.

Mike: Man, you look drunk.
Me: And you look like a piece of dried poo with a hairpiece.
Mike: Touche.

Amy: Good news. My phone’s back on.
Me: Awesome.
Amy: So hey, you want to go out to eat or something?
Me: Sure, just come on over.
Amy: It sure sucked not having a phone. Now I can call you whenever I want again. God, what a relief.
Me: My thoughts exactly.