Observations like a Hollywood Offspring

Few men on planet earth have an easier life than Court Sullivan. Let me tell you guys something: if you’re creative and you know how to use a computer, design your own website and market yourself. Court wakes up shortly after I have my lunch and spends his days staring at internet porn while I’m in an office with a phone glued to my ear. Man, I’m jealous.

I didn’t think it was possible, but my hangover has a hangover.

Some girl set a record for striking out the most girls ever in college softball. This would be a huge deal if it didn’t happen during a girl’s softball game.

I don’t care about Tom Cruise’s baby. And I mean that.

My next column on the big site is gonna be about how men actually do not have it easier than women in the real world. This article topic was suggested by a reader named Melody. And it was a brilliant suggestion. So I guess what I’m saying is, “Hey, Rest of you Readers, take a cue from Melody and give me some good column ideas. I just ain’t bright enough to do this gig on my own.”

I wish people would stop telling me to have a nice day. I just don’t know if I can always make that happen. It’s just way too much pressure. Next time someone tells me to have a nice day, I’m gonna tell ‘em that I’ll have the kind of day I feel like. Then I’ll say, “thanks all the same, jerk.” Man, I’m kinda mean.

I don’t think anyone really knows how Sara Lee does it. But yet we’re all sure that no one does it like her. This kind of thing keeps me up at night.

And finally, because logic and fluidity are busy throwing up in the bathroom, I leave you with the following, which was said by none other than PIC editor Court Sullivan.

“I don’t want to hear you having sex ever again.”