George “Snippet” Mason

Suzanne: I won the office pool already.
Me: Wait. You won your office’s NCAA basketball tournament pool?
Suzanne: Yup. I’m the only one with two teams in the final four. And I’m leading, so they just gave me the pot. I won five hundred bucks.
Me: Who do you have in the final four?
Suzanne: Florida and George Mason.
Me: Suzanne, you don’t even know what a tip off is. How did you make those picks?
Suzanne: Well, my sister went to Florida and my step-dad’s name is George Mason.

April: Why is Nate banging his head on the bar?
Suzanne: I won the bracket tournament thingy in my office.
April: Oh my God. That is so great. What are you gonna buy?
Suzanne: Well, there’s this blouse that I’ve had my eye on—
April: Nathan, that has to hurt. Please stop it.

Tim: Suzanne won her bracket pool?
Me: She got five hundred bucks.
Tim: Wow.
Me: She actually picked George Mason.
Tim: Holy shit. How’d she guess that?
Me: George Mason is her step-dad’s name.
Tim: Oh that’s it. I fucking quit. Someone hand me a gun. This planet has pissed me off for the final time.

April: You guys are so dramatic about sports.
Suzanne: I think it’s cute. At least they’re passionate about something other than sex.
April: Too bad they don’t feel the same way about diamonds or I’d probably be married by now.
Suzanne: Seriously Nate, banging your head on the bar like that cannot be good for you.

Amy: Aww, he’s actually carrying his bracket around in his pocket.
Me: Yeah, lots of guys do that in the first round. There’re too many games to remember all your picks.
Amy: But he looks so cute, like a little kid with his homework all folded up or something. That is so precious.
Me: It’s a guy with a piece of paper. God, you’re weird.

Me: If I had the cash to gamble, I’d take UConn and the money line against George Mason. There’s no way a team from the Patriot League gets to The Final Four.
Amy: I think George Mason’s gonna win.
Me: And what, exactly, are you basing that on?
Amy: I like their uniforms.
Me: That’s just stupid.

Me: I can’t believe George Mason is going to the Final Four.
Amy: You should get one of those jerseys. You look good in green.

Main: How’s your bracket looking?
Me: Fuck you.
Main: Yeah, mine too.