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Gay Appreciation
Posted January 3rd, 2006 by Mike Faerber
I am at a peculiar crossroads in the whole Gay Rights issue. Being raised Catholic, it seems I should be against such evil acts of gratification. My residence in the state of Texas also reinforces this ideology. True I live in Austin, and have an open mind. I'm just saying, gays, the odds are against you... that is until ya'll decided to do something about it.
Somebody at Homo HQ must have figured out that to have a friend, one must be a friend... to appreciate others so that they will appreciate you. At this point they enacted a plan to convert Mr. Faerber to their cause. "He's a waverer," they shouted. "Let's gay him up!"
Why do I assume this... because within the last 6 months or so, I've had no less than 5 gay men (even one adolescent) hit on me. Is this WRONG? I DON'T KNOW! Should I be vomiting? Why does it tickle so? Where did these guys come from? but most importantly... Do I need to stop leading them on?
WELL I'M SORRY IF I LIKE A LITTLE ATTENTION! I don't know if I'm emitting some kind of frequency or if I just have a sex appeal that transcends genders, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing. I guess it's just nice to have options, yes?
So how does it feel when a gay man hits on you? Well it's a little rough at first, but once you get used to it, it kinda feels good. BADUM CRASH! At first you think: This guy thinks I'm gay? Do I look gay... OMG I ACT GAY! I need to stop acting gay. But then you realize, hey... it's not about you looking gay... it's about you looking HAWT! If a girl gave you that compliment you'd love it... so what's the difference? Ah YES! the balls... annoying little fuckers.
But in this day and age I feel there are much bigger things to worry about other than your suitor's package... like my own for instance. So you take the compliment for what it's worth, but kindly inform the gentleman that you're just not into that sort of thing. Then you go brag to all your friends that a gay man wants your body. They'll be secretly jealous... that's why they're vomiting.
So I guess my final stance of gay issues is thus: As long as ya'll keep making me feel pretty, I'll let you stick around. But if one of you calls me "UGH... hairy" I'm voting away your marriage rights. REALLY?! I don't know, but I don't want to go there either, so keep the pick-up attempts coming. You scratch my back, I'll squirm and say gross, but secretly like it, K?
Somebody at Homo HQ must have figured out that to have a friend, one must be a friend... to appreciate others so that they will appreciate you. At this point they enacted a plan to convert Mr. Faerber to their cause. "He's a waverer," they shouted. "Let's gay him up!"
Why do I assume this... because within the last 6 months or so, I've had no less than 5 gay men (even one adolescent) hit on me. Is this WRONG? I DON'T KNOW! Should I be vomiting? Why does it tickle so? Where did these guys come from? but most importantly... Do I need to stop leading them on?
WELL I'M SORRY IF I LIKE A LITTLE ATTENTION! I don't know if I'm emitting some kind of frequency or if I just have a sex appeal that transcends genders, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing. I guess it's just nice to have options, yes?
So how does it feel when a gay man hits on you? Well it's a little rough at first, but once you get used to it, it kinda feels good. BADUM CRASH! At first you think: This guy thinks I'm gay? Do I look gay... OMG I ACT GAY! I need to stop acting gay. But then you realize, hey... it's not about you looking gay... it's about you looking HAWT! If a girl gave you that compliment you'd love it... so what's the difference? Ah YES! the balls... annoying little fuckers.
But in this day and age I feel there are much bigger things to worry about other than your suitor's package... like my own for instance. So you take the compliment for what it's worth, but kindly inform the gentleman that you're just not into that sort of thing. Then you go brag to all your friends that a gay man wants your body. They'll be secretly jealous... that's why they're vomiting.
So I guess my final stance of gay issues is thus: As long as ya'll keep making me feel pretty, I'll let you stick around. But if one of you calls me "UGH... hairy" I'm voting away your marriage rights. REALLY?! I don't know, but I don't want to go there either, so keep the pick-up attempts coming. You scratch my back, I'll squirm and say gross, but secretly like it, K?
